Interesting, How Age Creeps up on Us

Last week I turned 21. It's interesting how people look forward to that birthday more than almost any other. A few days before I went to party at the fraternity of a friend of mine, a kind of pre-pre-birthday celebration, and the end of my days as a "lawbreaker" (from underage drinking of course). I felt old. Even though I wasn't yet 21, I still knew that I was one of the oldest people there, and in a few days time, one of the few legally allowed to be participating in the activities of said party. I felt my age creeping up on me, and it had been coming on for a while.

While excited for my birthday, the feeling was intermingled with one of slight dread. I know it probably sounds silly, but I wasn't all that sure I'd enjoy this birthday as much as I've done on my past birthdays. It marked the last birthday of major significance, the last one that meant something; 13, you're finally a teenager, 16, you can drive, 18, you can vote and are legally an adult, and finally, the big 21. After this, what birthdays are there of any importance? 25? Yes, now you're in your mid-twenties. 30? You're starting to get old, and the black balloons of 40 seem startlingly close. At 21, the gates have opened for you, you've been allowed entrance into the adult world, and while you've waited for this day for, well, probably years, it also marks one of the last times you can still be a kid.

I felt my age rushing upon me faster than I would have liked. My parents have made their reservations at a local hotel for my graduation weekend; I've been accepted into a graduate program and will be starting my master's classes in a few weeks; I was turning 21, and would finally be able to go to places I'd been denied for the last three years. Maybe I was overreacting, but I was a bit scared. It's a big change, going from being the youngest person at the party to being the oldest, feeling almost out of place at a place I'd been completely comfortable in for years. Many of my friends have left and found jobs, are getting married, have bought houses. While I'm looking forward to all of that, I'm not sure I'm ready for it just yet.

So it was with these sobering thoughts that I entered my 21st year of being. Don't misunderstand, I was excited about it more than anything else; the darker thoughts didn't weigh that heavily on my mind. But they were still somewhat present, and they all came rushing back when I went for my first legal drink. I entered the bar somewhat nervously because the bouncer almost didn't let me in (something about not being sure of the bar's policy on dates, "the day you open is the day you close", etc.), and ordered a Smithwick's Irish Ale, which I had never had before. The bar was pretty empty, it was late, and the bartender called me "Old Lady" every time he passed me by. ^_^

Instead of feeling old like I had been dreading for about a month, sure that that was what was going to happen, I felt young! I had been a good girl, I don't have a fake i.d. and the bars in Pittsburgh card fairly rigorously, so I had never been to a bar before that day. It came like an epiphany: all those years of drinking were illegal. While legally the age of adulthood is reached at 18, it is not until 21, the age when that last constraint on your behavior is lifted, that you fully attain it. It's like the adulthood I'd experienced was a pale shadow of the real thing, which has absolutely nothing to do with being allowed to drink and everything to do with a cultural acceptance that you are finally old enough to make unrestricted decisions about your behavior.

I laughed at myself for being so naive to think that I was old by being 21. It just shows how young I really am, I suppose. There's a whole world of experience out there that I haven't tapped into yet, and even though I've finally left childhood and adolescence behind (though most people, including myself, would hate to admit that it has lasted this long), I've only just entered adulthood. I still have all of my twenties left!

So find me silly, find me naive, and laugh with me for thinking these things, which is what I did. I thought myself old, and found myself young. I'm only 21!