To the Fullest

My grandfather passed away this Friday. My dad called me while I was at dinner to tell me the news, and the people I was with were somewhat shocked when I told them. I felt bad because I didn't want to make them uncomfortable, as the news of a death in the family is sometimes hard for people to respond to.

The emotions surrounding a death are often complex, and this is no exception. With my uncle's death last year, it was a whole lot simpler because it was so sad and fast (he was 60 and died of pancreatic cancer). My grandfather was 88, and had developed dementia in the last few years of his life, so caring for him was becoming more difficult and he hadn't really been himself, so his death is bittersweet. He lived a very full life:

He was born in 1919 in Youngwood, PA and lived his whole life in that town. He grew up very poor; one of the most memorable pictures of his childhood was of him and his siblings standing in their mud-filled yard, with two of them sitting on a horse. I've always loved that picture, it evokes so much emotion.

During the Great Depression he worked for the CCC, planting trees in eastern Pennsylvania and sending the money back home. When World War II broke out, he joined the army and was stationed in India as a mechanic. I honestly don't remember when he married my grandmother, I think it might have been right after the war ended, but they had their first child in 1946 (my Uncle Michael, the one who passed away last September). He was the first of eight. In order to make ends meet, my grandfather worked three jobs at one point.

He was very Italian; he loved to work in his garden, and every summer had a small field planted with corn and another field planted with a variety of vegetables. He loved onion sandwiches. He was also very reserved, and talked but rarely.

I wish I had learned more about his life, because there was so much he experienced. I love that I came from someone who worked so hard throughout his life, and cared so much for his family. I really value all that he did for my mom and her brothers and sisters, and thereby for me.

After I heard the news, my friends and I finished dinner and left to attend opening night for the Pittsburgh Symphony. They played Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 and Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique. It was spectacular, and during that time I had a lot of time to think. My life is so rich, filled with great friends and so much opportunity, and I am so lucky to be alive and have all the things I do. My grandfather's death made me realize that I'm already a quarter of the way through it, God-willing. There's so much I want to do, and so little time to waste. I don't intend to watch the years pass without spending every day doing something I love, and maximizing on the opportunities that surround me.

With that in mind, here's a list of things I want to accomplish before I'm 25. I'd composed it a few months ago, and it's still being added to, but I wanted to put it down here to remind myself about everything I have left to do. I've already begun on the list and have done some of the things on it, but I'll leave it up to you to figure out what those are. ^_^

THINGS BEFORE 25

- graduate college
- be financially independent
- find a job I love
- go sky-diving
- learn to love my body
- fall in love again
- travel all 50 states (only 20 left!)
- live in another country
- travel to a new continent
- move to an unfamiliar place
- read a biography of every US president
- give up something I love (probably because it's bad for me)
- volunteer for a cause I truly believe in
- learn to live without regrets
- realize my own self-worth
- dye my hair an unnatural color
- paint another oil painting
- learn to drive standard
- become somewhat proficient in another language
- share a favorite pastime with a friend (i.e. make the friend fall in love with it)
- send inspiring thoughts to a random address via postcard
- travel to see a favorite musical group in concert
- learn to be on time
- try marijuana while I can still get away with it
- try a food I would never normally eat (something outrageously exotic)
- backpack through Europe
- get up obscenely early on a weekend to explore the city I’m in
- start a tradition with friends and stick to it
- learn to forgive
- live with as little hypocrisy in my life as possible
- get a pet
- do something completely spontaneous that ends up being one of the best events in my life
- visit a friend who lives far away
- work on a political campaign
- stop procrastinating
- go on an extended backpacking trip with a friend
- run in a marathon
- audition for American Idol
- accept and revel in the unknown

If you have any suggestions of things to add, let me know. Some of the goals are really ambitious, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish them in four years, but where's the fun in making something easy?

This whole experience has made me really value life even more than I already did, because of the acute understanding of one's own mortality that a death brings . There's no use in fearing death, which is something that I'm still coming to grips with, because it's an end everyone comes to. The only true power we have to overcome it is to live life to the fullest and value each day we have. I intend to do so.

My, How You've Grown!

I started caring for plants a few years ago, and my collection has grown since then, both in terms of the number of plants I have, and also their physical size. I recently decided that repotting was long past due, which I was completely right about; one plant's roots had started growing out of the bottom of the pot, and the other had sucked so many nutrients out of the soil that it had turned white. Now their happily living in their new, bigger pots with fresh soil, and I'm hoping they'll grow even faster now.


Before

After

Arrangement Love!

I feel so accomplished! Today Soundbytes started learning "Wannabe" by Spice Girls, which I'd finished last night. They're excited about it, and so am I. I think it will be upbeat and absolutely hilarious, and hopefully a suitable replacement for the Funky Music medley crowd-pleaser. I also pitched a new song to the group that had people more excited about an arrangement in a long time, "Headlock" by Imogen Heap. It'll be really hard, but so worth it when finished, because it's amazing. I have a crush on the song at the moment, and have been listening to it nonstop, which sometimes happens with certain songs or artists for me. I've had a music infatuation with Modest Mouse for a couple months, and it hasn't really abated yet. I'd love to do one of their songs a cappella, but we don't have an Isaac Brock voice in the group, sadly. :(



In other news, I've been sick this past month, and just had a relapse for the worse. Literally most of the school is sick with same thing, and I'm really hoping I kick it soon. I hate coughing up a lung and being unable to sing.

Language

I've recently been rediscovering my love of language, and have decided that I'd like to try to learn a bit of some Asian language. Nan and Diana have been teaching me phrases in Mandarin and Cantonese, and I'm apparently much better at Cantonese pronunciation than Mandarin (it's hard!!). I think it'll be useful to know a little bit so I can start recognizing some words that people use, and just generally understand more of the world.

I learned a few funny phrases from them, and worked really hard to get them right. ^_^ I challenge you to figure this one out (my jyutping might be a tad off though): dim gāai ne m̀h júng ji ngoh?

Picture Overload!

I just uploaded a bunch of pictures from the last month onto my computer, some of them I had intended on posting here long ago. The first set are from the flooding in Pittsburgh in early August, and the second set are from Jen's wedding this past Sunday.



The wedding, by the by, was wonderful. It was so fun to road trip to Philadelphia with Rohan, Ashleigh, Lara, and Maria (Rohan had a lot to put up with, four girls being in the car and all). We spent Saturday night in downtown Philadelphia, ate dinner with Ashleigh's family at a great Thai restaurant, and met with Dwight (who I know will be reading this, and needs to visit more often :P) at a bar/restaurant in a really awesome part of town. Philadelphia night life is just... cool. Bigger than Pittsburgh, more low-key than New York, with a really been-there vibe because of the colonial-era buildings, it was great fun.

At the wedding and reception on Sunday we saw a bunch of old 'Bytes we hadn't seen in years. It's strange to think that three of the people in Soundbytes when I entered freshman year are married! I feel both old and young at the same time. It was a great ceremony, and a wonderful reception. Very Jen, of course. ^_^ She looked really, genuinely, contagiously happy, as she should. Part of the reception incorporated some Chinese traditions, like a lion dance, and Jen changed into a more traditional Chinese dress halfway through. Unfortunately, we had to leave early to get back to Pittsburgh at a relatively reasonable hour (2am), so we missed the majority of the dancing. Ah well. She and Jon are probably in Hawai'i by now, enjoying their honeymoon. Congrats again to them!

Floored

Tonight I received an email of congratulation. I was selected to be an Andrew Carnegie Society Scholar, one of only 36. It was a complete surprise, not least because it came at 10 o'clock at night.

It is a recognition for high academic achievement and commitment to outside activities like volunteering, involvement in student organizations, participation in the arts, and the like. This alone was highly gratifying, because I don't presume to be the greatest scholar, and I certainly don't have the highest grades (although I do well), and while involved, I have always thought I could do more. Another part of the recognition is a scholarship, which again, was completely unexpected. It's of fairly significant value, too, which will be helpful, to say the least.

This is yet another reminder of the fact that I am a Senior, that the final year is upon me, and that we're "the best in the school", in the words of a senior friend. I never expected to be recognized in any material way, since my class is so much larger than my high school class and the bar is so much higher. I feel like I am much less outstanding here, both academically and otherwise, when compared to the hundreds of intelligent, passionate, and involved students at CMU. It's an honor to be recognized for the work I've done here by being counted as one of them, to know that it has been appreciated, and that is something rather special.