.jpg)
I'm so excited. It's finally Thanksgiving Break!! I'm proud of myself that I managed to get all my work done and now have a bit of time to relax. Not that I'm not going to have work over break; if I don't do work then I'll be screwed for the upcoming week. But I'm really happy I get to go home and be with my family for a little while. And Ryan is coming too!!
In other news, this weekend started out to be the best weekend of the semester, and ended rather badly. Soundbytes had a Thanksgiving dinner that was spectacular. Everyone makes such good food now!! I can remember our first potlucks, when this wasn't the case. The next day I went to the football game (CMU's first playoff game in Gesling Stadium ever) and we won! It was really fun to be there and watch it. I then proceeded to spend the rest of the day relaxing, and arranged holiday music for hours. I was really happy that we had so much to sing for caroling.
And then rehearsal came.... It started out fine, but there are just some problems that had been unresolved and kept building. Long story short, things were said that were offensive and angry. I'm just sorry it had to happen right before we all left for a holiday vacation. I think we'll all be able to work it out, and I appreciate everyone's support more than they know.
Otherwise, I'm going to finish packing and wait for my ride, and enjoy the drive home!!
Have a wonderful, safe, food-filled Thanksgiving!!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Retreat
Today I woke up earlier than I have in months. 7am is earlier than a lot of college students wake up, I thought, but I was amazed at how many people were out an about. I was up to go to a 9 hour retreat for Student Senate, and just like last year, I had been expecting a very different turnout than there actually was. Last year I was the only member-at-large to go to retreat, and this year only 10 other people showed up. However, the select few were the dedicated, and it was much more fun than I had been expecting. Just goes to show never to judge before you try, because it may just surprise you.
We drove two hours to a ropes course and did team-building exercises, and in any other setting what happened would have been considered sexual harassment, given how physical we were with each other. :) However, I've always liked doing those kind of games (e.g. the spiderweb, the human knot, etc.) so I wasn't upset or uncomfortable at all. And it was really nice to get to know some other Senators better; it will make the meetings more fun and go a bit faster because I'm actually better friends with people in the group. And there are some really cool and interesting people in Senate, many with great ideas and ambition that is refreshing in what I feel is sometimes an increasingly jaded atmosphere.
The only downfall of the trip was that 2/3s of the group didn't come, for some reason or another (probably mostly because we had to get up so early), and it would have been beneficial for them to come, however much I prefer a smaller group. Many people in the organization could use some team-building exercises (if you have ever been to a meeting you understand what I'm talking about). People tend to think that their voice is the only important one and don't collaborate.
In other news, Soundbytes had a concert tonight that was really fun. Afterwards Counterpoint performed and then a really cool CMU student band. It was kind of a jazz rock thing that had a lot of potential, I thought, and although the acoustics in Kirr Commons is horrible they still managed to sound really good. And the Truman scholarship is due in about 5 days, which is crazy. I have so much work to do, but I think it's worth it. And soon enough it will be over and Thanksgiving will be here! I can't wait to go home.
We drove two hours to a ropes course and did team-building exercises, and in any other setting what happened would have been considered sexual harassment, given how physical we were with each other. :) However, I've always liked doing those kind of games (e.g. the spiderweb, the human knot, etc.) so I wasn't upset or uncomfortable at all. And it was really nice to get to know some other Senators better; it will make the meetings more fun and go a bit faster because I'm actually better friends with people in the group. And there are some really cool and interesting people in Senate, many with great ideas and ambition that is refreshing in what I feel is sometimes an increasingly jaded atmosphere.
The only downfall of the trip was that 2/3s of the group didn't come, for some reason or another (probably mostly because we had to get up so early), and it would have been beneficial for them to come, however much I prefer a smaller group. Many people in the organization could use some team-building exercises (if you have ever been to a meeting you understand what I'm talking about). People tend to think that their voice is the only important one and don't collaborate.
In other news, Soundbytes had a concert tonight that was really fun. Afterwards Counterpoint performed and then a really cool CMU student band. It was kind of a jazz rock thing that had a lot of potential, I thought, and although the acoustics in Kirr Commons is horrible they still managed to sound really good. And the Truman scholarship is due in about 5 days, which is crazy. I have so much work to do, but I think it's worth it. And soon enough it will be over and Thanksgiving will be here! I can't wait to go home.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
A New Era
So, it looks as though both the House and Senate will have a Democratic majority, the first time in my memory. It's an exciting time (for liberals at least). However, I can't help but wonder if things will really change or get any better under the new regime. I feel like in many cases liberals have compromised their values in order to win back Congress and restore their power. But to what end? If we have Democrats who are anti-abortionists (like Bob Casey) or other representatives who are out of step with the majority of liberal thinkers on social, political, or economic issues, will we just have a Republican/conservative Congress in Democratic clothing?
Another problem I see probably just stems from my upbringing in a conservative-Republican household. I grew up believing that liberals were basically feckless, caring more for their media appearance than the interests of the American people. I guess time will tell if my dad was right, but to some extent, if it is true, will it be the product of having a more "moderate"/conservative democratic majority or just the intrinsic nature of Democrats?
Personally I don't like the two-party system that we have. It pigeon-holes people into one category or another, and if they belong to a minority party they are basically voiceless. (I'm not a fan of pigeon-holing in any way). How can complex people with complex and often opposing values be almost forced to support a party or a candidate that they don't believe in because he or she is the best option in comparison to the other?
One more bit about the election. I'm not sure how many people paid attention to the ballot initiatives that were voted on, since the Senate and House elections were so important, but in about seven states, give or take, amendments banning same-sex marriage were passed. Ironically, Arizona was the only state with a same-sex marriage ban on the ballot where it was defeated. In every other state it passed with large majorities. It's frightening to think that in a few years our country could be further divided along the basis of same-sex marriage. Yet another case where religion muddles government: marriage in the legal sense of the word means nothing more than a union of bank accounts and some rights gained, essentially (granted, I could be speaking out of my ass). However, we have forced legal marriages to encompass a larger definition that includes religious tradition, which is not in keeping with the principle of separation of church and state that our forefathers believed in and the Constitution upholds. Clearly high school US history classes are not doing their jobs, and not just in this case either....
Another problem I see probably just stems from my upbringing in a conservative-Republican household. I grew up believing that liberals were basically feckless, caring more for their media appearance than the interests of the American people. I guess time will tell if my dad was right, but to some extent, if it is true, will it be the product of having a more "moderate"/conservative democratic majority or just the intrinsic nature of Democrats?
Personally I don't like the two-party system that we have. It pigeon-holes people into one category or another, and if they belong to a minority party they are basically voiceless. (I'm not a fan of pigeon-holing in any way). How can complex people with complex and often opposing values be almost forced to support a party or a candidate that they don't believe in because he or she is the best option in comparison to the other?
One more bit about the election. I'm not sure how many people paid attention to the ballot initiatives that were voted on, since the Senate and House elections were so important, but in about seven states, give or take, amendments banning same-sex marriage were passed. Ironically, Arizona was the only state with a same-sex marriage ban on the ballot where it was defeated. In every other state it passed with large majorities. It's frightening to think that in a few years our country could be further divided along the basis of same-sex marriage. Yet another case where religion muddles government: marriage in the legal sense of the word means nothing more than a union of bank accounts and some rights gained, essentially (granted, I could be speaking out of my ass). However, we have forced legal marriages to encompass a larger definition that includes religious tradition, which is not in keeping with the principle of separation of church and state that our forefathers believed in and the Constitution upholds. Clearly high school US history classes are not doing their jobs, and not just in this case either....
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Reflections of a College Student in Junior Year
What makes us work so hard to get somewhere? It's a badge of honor to have a sleepless night, and you're in the big time when you've have a few all-nighters in a row. At least at this university, it's almost a competition among students to determine who has the most work, who's most stressed out, who has the least time to themselves. Why do we do it? Why do we sacrifice our time, our money, our sleep, our sanity, even some of our loves to work to satisfy our ambition? And what is it that we ultimately want? Money, prestige, to make a difference, security for the future? I'm seriously doubting whether any of those ends are worth the sacrifices we make now.
There comes a point when you have to draw back and take stock of what you're doing. At least in my case, we get so focused on the little things that we forget about the larger world around us. I stress out about a grade, a project, a meeting, an application, work. I have become so busy and so strained that I almost missed fall. It's my favorite season, and I can't even go outside for an hour and just walk around, enjoying the turning of the leaves, the smell, the crisp air. I don't have time to carve a pumpkin, I don't even have time to get groceries.
I'm worried that I don't have what it takes to make it in my field. I'm scared that I won't get a good internship this summer because I haven't done outstanding things. I'm worried that I'm just not doing enough, that I need to do more to be successful. I'm stretched so thin that I feel like my performance has declined in everything. I used to strive to be the best and now I'm unsure of whether that goal is even feasible for me anymore. Every moment of every day, even when I sleep, I feel tense and strained. I can no longer go to sleep, regardless of the hour.
But more and more I'm beginning to feel like my goals just aren't worth it, that the sacrifices I'm making are too great. Americans used to average about three close relationships; studies have now shown that that number has decreased to two. Most people now have only two close friends. We've lost touch with simple pleasures, for cultivating relationships, for enjoying our surroundings, for taking a break. Taking a break is synonymous with failure. Failure is unacceptable.
The worst part about all of this is that I feel so alone in my disillusionment. Everyone around me is successful and happy. They are sleeping well, cultivating new relationships, having personal time, enjoying their work, doing well, and looking forward to the future. They see prospects in their futures that I don't see in mine. I'm jealous of my friends' success, happiness, and most of all, direction in their lives. I have two majors but I still don't feel like I've learned enough; I'm involved in a lot of different activities, both academic and recreational, but I still don't know what I want or where I'm going.
It makes it worse to feel that because of all these inadequacies, regardless of whether they are real or perceived, I'm a total failure in comparison to my peers. As much as I might have just said my ambition isn't worth the sacrifices I've been making, it's hard to let it go. It's hard to fail.
There comes a point when you have to draw back and take stock of what you're doing. At least in my case, we get so focused on the little things that we forget about the larger world around us. I stress out about a grade, a project, a meeting, an application, work. I have become so busy and so strained that I almost missed fall. It's my favorite season, and I can't even go outside for an hour and just walk around, enjoying the turning of the leaves, the smell, the crisp air. I don't have time to carve a pumpkin, I don't even have time to get groceries.
I'm worried that I don't have what it takes to make it in my field. I'm scared that I won't get a good internship this summer because I haven't done outstanding things. I'm worried that I'm just not doing enough, that I need to do more to be successful. I'm stretched so thin that I feel like my performance has declined in everything. I used to strive to be the best and now I'm unsure of whether that goal is even feasible for me anymore. Every moment of every day, even when I sleep, I feel tense and strained. I can no longer go to sleep, regardless of the hour.
But more and more I'm beginning to feel like my goals just aren't worth it, that the sacrifices I'm making are too great. Americans used to average about three close relationships; studies have now shown that that number has decreased to two. Most people now have only two close friends. We've lost touch with simple pleasures, for cultivating relationships, for enjoying our surroundings, for taking a break. Taking a break is synonymous with failure. Failure is unacceptable.
The worst part about all of this is that I feel so alone in my disillusionment. Everyone around me is successful and happy. They are sleeping well, cultivating new relationships, having personal time, enjoying their work, doing well, and looking forward to the future. They see prospects in their futures that I don't see in mine. I'm jealous of my friends' success, happiness, and most of all, direction in their lives. I have two majors but I still don't feel like I've learned enough; I'm involved in a lot of different activities, both academic and recreational, but I still don't know what I want or where I'm going.
It makes it worse to feel that because of all these inadequacies, regardless of whether they are real or perceived, I'm a total failure in comparison to my peers. As much as I might have just said my ambition isn't worth the sacrifices I've been making, it's hard to let it go. It's hard to fail.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)