One of the Shouts

As you might have noticed, I changed the title of this blog. I've been thinking about doing so for a while now, but hadn't been able to think of anything good enough to replace what I currently had. The old title came from one of my favorite Emily Dickinson poems:

I SING to use the waiting,
My bonnet but to tie,
And shut the door unto my house;
No more to do have I,

Till, his best step approaching,
We journey to the day,
And tell each other how we sang
To keep the dark away.

However, in looking at it again, I realized that it no longer reflected what I feel or think (most of the time) and that I really needed to find a new title.

I've changed it to One of the Shouts for a reason. It comes from the short story "G.B.S. - Mark V" by Ray Bradbury, one of my favorite writers. The surrounding paragraph is thus:

"What are we?" he asked. "Why, we are the miracle of force and matter making itself over into imagination and will. Incredible. The Life Force experimenting with forms. You for one. Me for another. The Universe has shouted itself alive. We are one of the shouts. Creation turns in its abyss. We have bothered it, dreaming ourselves into shapes. The void is filled with slumbers; ten billion on a billion bombardments of light and material that know not themselves, that sleep moving and move but finally to make an eye and waken on themselves. Among so much that is flight and ignorance, we are the blind force that gropes like Lazarus from a billion-light-year tomb. We summon ourselves. We say, O Lazarus Life Force, come ye forth. So the Universe, a motion of deaths, fumbles to reach across Time to feel its own flesh and know it to be ours. We touch both ways and find each other miraculous because we are One."

I will let it just speak for itself, and maybe the passage will speak to you in the way it spoke to me. It may be a tad esoteric ^_^, and I'm not sure I'll keep it (I'm notoriously indecisive), but for the moment it does a good job in reflecting my current mantra in just a few words and also in explaining the purpose and goal of this blog in general.

To the Fullest

My grandfather passed away this Friday. My dad called me while I was at dinner to tell me the news, and the people I was with were somewhat shocked when I told them. I felt bad because I didn't want to make them uncomfortable, as the news of a death in the family is sometimes hard for people to respond to.

The emotions surrounding a death are often complex, and this is no exception. With my uncle's death last year, it was a whole lot simpler because it was so sad and fast (he was 60 and died of pancreatic cancer). My grandfather was 88, and had developed dementia in the last few years of his life, so caring for him was becoming more difficult and he hadn't really been himself, so his death is bittersweet. He lived a very full life:

He was born in 1919 in Youngwood, PA and lived his whole life in that town. He grew up very poor; one of the most memorable pictures of his childhood was of him and his siblings standing in their mud-filled yard, with two of them sitting on a horse. I've always loved that picture, it evokes so much emotion.

During the Great Depression he worked for the CCC, planting trees in eastern Pennsylvania and sending the money back home. When World War II broke out, he joined the army and was stationed in India as a mechanic. I honestly don't remember when he married my grandmother, I think it might have been right after the war ended, but they had their first child in 1946 (my Uncle Michael, the one who passed away last September). He was the first of eight. In order to make ends meet, my grandfather worked three jobs at one point.

He was very Italian; he loved to work in his garden, and every summer had a small field planted with corn and another field planted with a variety of vegetables. He loved onion sandwiches. He was also very reserved, and talked but rarely.

I wish I had learned more about his life, because there was so much he experienced. I love that I came from someone who worked so hard throughout his life, and cared so much for his family. I really value all that he did for my mom and her brothers and sisters, and thereby for me.

After I heard the news, my friends and I finished dinner and left to attend opening night for the Pittsburgh Symphony. They played Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 and Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique. It was spectacular, and during that time I had a lot of time to think. My life is so rich, filled with great friends and so much opportunity, and I am so lucky to be alive and have all the things I do. My grandfather's death made me realize that I'm already a quarter of the way through it, God-willing. There's so much I want to do, and so little time to waste. I don't intend to watch the years pass without spending every day doing something I love, and maximizing on the opportunities that surround me.

With that in mind, here's a list of things I want to accomplish before I'm 25. I'd composed it a few months ago, and it's still being added to, but I wanted to put it down here to remind myself about everything I have left to do. I've already begun on the list and have done some of the things on it, but I'll leave it up to you to figure out what those are. ^_^

THINGS BEFORE 25

- graduate college
- be financially independent
- find a job I love
- go sky-diving
- learn to love my body
- fall in love again
- travel all 50 states (only 20 left!)
- live in another country
- travel to a new continent
- move to an unfamiliar place
- read a biography of every US president
- give up something I love (probably because it's bad for me)
- volunteer for a cause I truly believe in
- learn to live without regrets
- realize my own self-worth
- dye my hair an unnatural color
- paint another oil painting
- learn to drive standard
- become somewhat proficient in another language
- share a favorite pastime with a friend (i.e. make the friend fall in love with it)
- send inspiring thoughts to a random address via postcard
- travel to see a favorite musical group in concert
- learn to be on time
- try marijuana while I can still get away with it
- try a food I would never normally eat (something outrageously exotic)
- backpack through Europe
- get up obscenely early on a weekend to explore the city I’m in
- start a tradition with friends and stick to it
- learn to forgive
- live with as little hypocrisy in my life as possible
- get a pet
- do something completely spontaneous that ends up being one of the best events in my life
- visit a friend who lives far away
- work on a political campaign
- stop procrastinating
- go on an extended backpacking trip with a friend
- run in a marathon
- audition for American Idol
- accept and revel in the unknown

If you have any suggestions of things to add, let me know. Some of the goals are really ambitious, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish them in four years, but where's the fun in making something easy?

This whole experience has made me really value life even more than I already did, because of the acute understanding of one's own mortality that a death brings . There's no use in fearing death, which is something that I'm still coming to grips with, because it's an end everyone comes to. The only true power we have to overcome it is to live life to the fullest and value each day we have. I intend to do so.

My, How You've Grown!

I started caring for plants a few years ago, and my collection has grown since then, both in terms of the number of plants I have, and also their physical size. I recently decided that repotting was long past due, which I was completely right about; one plant's roots had started growing out of the bottom of the pot, and the other had sucked so many nutrients out of the soil that it had turned white. Now their happily living in their new, bigger pots with fresh soil, and I'm hoping they'll grow even faster now.


Before

After

Arrangement Love!

I feel so accomplished! Today Soundbytes started learning "Wannabe" by Spice Girls, which I'd finished last night. They're excited about it, and so am I. I think it will be upbeat and absolutely hilarious, and hopefully a suitable replacement for the Funky Music medley crowd-pleaser. I also pitched a new song to the group that had people more excited about an arrangement in a long time, "Headlock" by Imogen Heap. It'll be really hard, but so worth it when finished, because it's amazing. I have a crush on the song at the moment, and have been listening to it nonstop, which sometimes happens with certain songs or artists for me. I've had a music infatuation with Modest Mouse for a couple months, and it hasn't really abated yet. I'd love to do one of their songs a cappella, but we don't have an Isaac Brock voice in the group, sadly. :(



In other news, I've been sick this past month, and just had a relapse for the worse. Literally most of the school is sick with same thing, and I'm really hoping I kick it soon. I hate coughing up a lung and being unable to sing.

Language

I've recently been rediscovering my love of language, and have decided that I'd like to try to learn a bit of some Asian language. Nan and Diana have been teaching me phrases in Mandarin and Cantonese, and I'm apparently much better at Cantonese pronunciation than Mandarin (it's hard!!). I think it'll be useful to know a little bit so I can start recognizing some words that people use, and just generally understand more of the world.

I learned a few funny phrases from them, and worked really hard to get them right. ^_^ I challenge you to figure this one out (my jyutping might be a tad off though): dim gāai ne m̀h júng ji ngoh?

Picture Overload!

I just uploaded a bunch of pictures from the last month onto my computer, some of them I had intended on posting here long ago. The first set are from the flooding in Pittsburgh in early August, and the second set are from Jen's wedding this past Sunday.



The wedding, by the by, was wonderful. It was so fun to road trip to Philadelphia with Rohan, Ashleigh, Lara, and Maria (Rohan had a lot to put up with, four girls being in the car and all). We spent Saturday night in downtown Philadelphia, ate dinner with Ashleigh's family at a great Thai restaurant, and met with Dwight (who I know will be reading this, and needs to visit more often :P) at a bar/restaurant in a really awesome part of town. Philadelphia night life is just... cool. Bigger than Pittsburgh, more low-key than New York, with a really been-there vibe because of the colonial-era buildings, it was great fun.

At the wedding and reception on Sunday we saw a bunch of old 'Bytes we hadn't seen in years. It's strange to think that three of the people in Soundbytes when I entered freshman year are married! I feel both old and young at the same time. It was a great ceremony, and a wonderful reception. Very Jen, of course. ^_^ She looked really, genuinely, contagiously happy, as she should. Part of the reception incorporated some Chinese traditions, like a lion dance, and Jen changed into a more traditional Chinese dress halfway through. Unfortunately, we had to leave early to get back to Pittsburgh at a relatively reasonable hour (2am), so we missed the majority of the dancing. Ah well. She and Jon are probably in Hawai'i by now, enjoying their honeymoon. Congrats again to them!

Floored

Tonight I received an email of congratulation. I was selected to be an Andrew Carnegie Society Scholar, one of only 36. It was a complete surprise, not least because it came at 10 o'clock at night.

It is a recognition for high academic achievement and commitment to outside activities like volunteering, involvement in student organizations, participation in the arts, and the like. This alone was highly gratifying, because I don't presume to be the greatest scholar, and I certainly don't have the highest grades (although I do well), and while involved, I have always thought I could do more. Another part of the recognition is a scholarship, which again, was completely unexpected. It's of fairly significant value, too, which will be helpful, to say the least.

This is yet another reminder of the fact that I am a Senior, that the final year is upon me, and that we're "the best in the school", in the words of a senior friend. I never expected to be recognized in any material way, since my class is so much larger than my high school class and the bar is so much higher. I feel like I am much less outstanding here, both academically and otherwise, when compared to the hundreds of intelligent, passionate, and involved students at CMU. It's an honor to be recognized for the work I've done here by being counted as one of them, to know that it has been appreciated, and that is something rather special.

It takes all kinds to make a world...

But there are some the world might be better left without. I know that after a certain number of years, one develops a lot of friendships, loses some, and just overall gains a lot of experience in communication and person-to-person interaction. Sometimes relationships can get a little hairy (fights break out, you fall out of touch, the relationship becomes strained), but most of the time they are fairly routine, in the sense that those cataclysmic events between two people that occur in movies or stories would rarely if ever happen to them. I'm referring to battle royales, or "fights to the death", actions taken by people that are so very much larger-than-life that they couldn't possibly happen to you. Most people could be what is considered "normal"; that is, not conduct themselves in such a way as to create those often comical situations between a friend, or an enemy, or some other character in film that brings people to the theater nightly. Unfortunately, I think I fall in to the rare category of having just such a movie-esque experience. I got to see firsthand what completely irrational, rude, uncalled-for, destructive, blown-out-of-proportion behavior is - from the receiving end - and believe me, one that was certainly the opposite of comical (at the time), stressful, frustrating, and one I would rather have lived never experiencing.

Do I invite this kind of craziness into my life? I certainly hope not. Do I deserve to be treated in the certifiably insane way I was these last few days, especially so unexpectedly and with little-to-no provocation? I don't think so. My question is, who in their right mind DOES THIS? I didn't think things like what just happened to me actually happen in real life, but clearly I was mistaken. It really was straight out of science fiction, or maybe a soap opera. While I do love a good drama, I would rather it stay on the big screen where it belongs, and not creep uninvited into my life. And the people who do decide to take a trip on the crazy canal, maybe you should look into counseling, or some other form of psychotherapy before you decide to include other people and expose yourself so utterly to derision. Please people, just think before you act; you'll save yourself from a lot of ridicule.

Something about Values

I've started RA training, and while working grueling hours, it can be fun at times. We have the weekend off, of sorts, and then the dear freshies come to campus to start Orientation. In a way my building lucked out/got jipped, because we have no freshman this year. While this means we have more flexibility during Orientation week (a plus because now I can attend more Heinz Orientation events) we don't get to have first years to hang out with and get to know. Ah well.

Today we discussed "values" and while it's a topic that is often overdone, and can be fun to discover what values matter most to you. Surprisingly, a lot of mine correspond to my name, so here they are:

Love
Acceptance
Uniqueness
Respect
Empathy
INtelligence

There are more that correspond to my last name too, but I decided I didn't want to put my last name on here, for various reasons. Message me if you want to see it too.

Interesting, How Age Creeps up on Us

Last week I turned 21. It's interesting how people look forward to that birthday more than almost any other. A few days before I went to party at the fraternity of a friend of mine, a kind of pre-pre-birthday celebration, and the end of my days as a "lawbreaker" (from underage drinking of course). I felt old. Even though I wasn't yet 21, I still knew that I was one of the oldest people there, and in a few days time, one of the few legally allowed to be participating in the activities of said party. I felt my age creeping up on me, and it had been coming on for a while.

While excited for my birthday, the feeling was intermingled with one of slight dread. I know it probably sounds silly, but I wasn't all that sure I'd enjoy this birthday as much as I've done on my past birthdays. It marked the last birthday of major significance, the last one that meant something; 13, you're finally a teenager, 16, you can drive, 18, you can vote and are legally an adult, and finally, the big 21. After this, what birthdays are there of any importance? 25? Yes, now you're in your mid-twenties. 30? You're starting to get old, and the black balloons of 40 seem startlingly close. At 21, the gates have opened for you, you've been allowed entrance into the adult world, and while you've waited for this day for, well, probably years, it also marks one of the last times you can still be a kid.

I felt my age rushing upon me faster than I would have liked. My parents have made their reservations at a local hotel for my graduation weekend; I've been accepted into a graduate program and will be starting my master's classes in a few weeks; I was turning 21, and would finally be able to go to places I'd been denied for the last three years. Maybe I was overreacting, but I was a bit scared. It's a big change, going from being the youngest person at the party to being the oldest, feeling almost out of place at a place I'd been completely comfortable in for years. Many of my friends have left and found jobs, are getting married, have bought houses. While I'm looking forward to all of that, I'm not sure I'm ready for it just yet.

So it was with these sobering thoughts that I entered my 21st year of being. Don't misunderstand, I was excited about it more than anything else; the darker thoughts didn't weigh that heavily on my mind. But they were still somewhat present, and they all came rushing back when I went for my first legal drink. I entered the bar somewhat nervously because the bouncer almost didn't let me in (something about not being sure of the bar's policy on dates, "the day you open is the day you close", etc.), and ordered a Smithwick's Irish Ale, which I had never had before. The bar was pretty empty, it was late, and the bartender called me "Old Lady" every time he passed me by. ^_^

Instead of feeling old like I had been dreading for about a month, sure that that was what was going to happen, I felt young! I had been a good girl, I don't have a fake i.d. and the bars in Pittsburgh card fairly rigorously, so I had never been to a bar before that day. It came like an epiphany: all those years of drinking were illegal. While legally the age of adulthood is reached at 18, it is not until 21, the age when that last constraint on your behavior is lifted, that you fully attain it. It's like the adulthood I'd experienced was a pale shadow of the real thing, which has absolutely nothing to do with being allowed to drink and everything to do with a cultural acceptance that you are finally old enough to make unrestricted decisions about your behavior.

I laughed at myself for being so naive to think that I was old by being 21. It just shows how young I really am, I suppose. There's a whole world of experience out there that I haven't tapped into yet, and even though I've finally left childhood and adolescence behind (though most people, including myself, would hate to admit that it has lasted this long), I've only just entered adulthood. I still have all of my twenties left!

So find me silly, find me naive, and laugh with me for thinking these things, which is what I did. I thought myself old, and found myself young. I'm only 21!

Goodbye, Harry Potter

I finished the seventh Harry Potter book. In two days. While I won't reveal plot details (you can find those out yourself by reading it) I just wanted to say that it was probably one of the best books I have ever read. And I've been reading prolifically since I was three. I laughed, I cried, and I was deeply moved. While some might think it's laughable that I was moved by a children's fantasy book, by the last installment of a series that many might feel is undeserving of the praise heaped upon it, I think that they are cynics, and will probably never fully understand the greatness of these books.

I grew up with this series, with Harry Potter. I began reading them, in protest, finally wheedled into it by a younger, very persistent brother. Instantly I couldn't put it down, and reached for the next book immediately after finishing the first. I waited impatiently for every release, wondered at what the next book would reveal, and fell into every book more thoroughly than I have ever done with any book in my entire life. I was engrossed by these stories, by the world of magic and Muggles. Harry often became as real to me as any other person.

The stories were great not because of the amazing world J.K. Rowling had crafted. She stole a great deal from previous lore, from myths and fables and even the Bible, and a lot of the magic had "serious flaws", no comprehensible boundaries. They became so wildly popular, each release bigger than a movie premiere, and much more secretive and heavily coordinated, which I know irritated some. Despite this, the books are, in a word, amazing. It is her wonderful prose that makes the books instant classics, which draws you into their world so wholly. It is the message she was sending, and the heavy subjects she dwelt upon, like the nature of death, importance of love, family, and valor, and the power of destiny, each of which might mean something different for every reader, and meant a lot to me. And ultimately, it is Harry, the character she created that embodies so many virtues, who is lovable and selfless and so incredibly complex and rich, that makes each of the seven books rank among the highest in my literary lexicon.

I felt that with the book's final chapters I would see my childhood end; there would be no more Harry Potter and Hogwarts to take me back to the realm of childhood wonderment that I have felt for ten years. I have grown up, and so has Harry, and it is time for both our childhood's to end, to move forward into the next phase of our respective lives. And in seeing the ending, I have no feelings of regret or sadness that I thought I might. It was time, and I couldn't have conceived of a better finale.

J.K. Rowling, mischief managed.

Nickel Creek and Glen Phillips!!!

Last night I went to Cleveland, OH to see one of my favorite bands of all time, Nickel Creek. It was unbelievable. They were joined by a member of the Mutual Admiration Society, the former lead singer of Toad the Wet Sprocket (and another one of my favorite artists), and now a phenomenal solo artist in his own right, Glen Phillips.

I don't think I can do justice to how much fun I had, or how great the concert was, so I'll show you. My pictures turned out horribly since we weren't allowed to use flash and I was sitting fairly far away, but by the powers of technology, I took some video! It's really low resolution, but the sound quality is pretty good, especially for a tiny Nikon digital camera. ^_^

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

This Side - Nickel Creek


Reasons Why - Nickel Creek



Set Me Up With One of Your Friends - Chris Thile, played by Nickel Creek



All This Time - Sara Watkins, played by Nickel Creek (new!!)


Let it Fall - Sean Watkins, played by Nickel Creek and Glen Phillips



Exit Music (for a film) - Radiohead, played by Nickel Creek and Glen Phillips


P.S. Today I am thankful for music, and technology that allows me to record amazing live concerts clandestinely.

The Laurel Highlands

Yesterday I went hiking in the Laurel Highlands, bum arm and all. (You don't need arms to hike). It was a beautiful day, and while Pennsylvania doesn't have any sweeping vistas other than steadily rolling hills covered in trees (which are obscured by even more trees), it was still lovely.

Just Call Me "Gimp"

Even though it's a bum arm, not a bum leg. I've been meaning to update with posts about my brother's graduation and cousin's wedding, along with a lot of other stuff, but a badly sprained wrist has prevented me from doing much typing. As it is, I'll have to wait until my arm feels good enough to type without much pain (this post itself is rather difficult). I thought I'd share a picture of the bruise I procured at the same time I sprained said wrist. I definitely did a number on my whole right side. Quite the klutz.

Thankful Thursday

I must relate a hilarious story I heard last night, summed up in a quote:

"How many times do we have to tell you, when you've run out of toilet paper, do NOT use the cardboard!"

I think it speaks for itself. I love boys. ^_^

And now for Thankful Thursday:

- exercise buddies. They make it so much easier for me to work out, and it's much more fun. Plus we gossip (although that's hard when you're underwater).

- finally being semi-good at a team sport. I have never been athletic, and have started to get more so, but it's still hard for me to play team sports. I have horrible hand-eye coordination. So finding a sport I can play without standing on the sidelines the whole time is a first for me. Go Ultimate!

- making new friends. Enough said, friends are awesome.

- new underwear. This might be TMI for some of you, but seriously, getting new underwear is really nice.

- Jack Bauer. Without him, the US (or at least LA) would have gone to shit. ^_^

- being respected by my advisors/bosses. Every time I go in to talk to my academic advisor, she persuades me to do something I didn't think I could, and she always tells me how great I've been doing. It's so motivational.

- having a cool job that looks like it will be able to catapult me farther than I had anticipated, and be beneficial on several levels.

A Talent for Similes

I've become enamored with P.G. Wodehouse, an early 20th century humorist. He seems to match acerbic wit with superb imagery, often directed towards those ever-so-evil relations, Aunts, which can be summed up as: "It is no use telling me there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof".

I thought I'd share some of my favorite quotes from his plethora of work. I hope they give you a chuckle, or maybe even a chortle. ^_^

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Right Hon. was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "When!"
- Very Good, Jeeves (1930)

Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.
- Sally (1920)

What a curse these social distinctions are. They ought to be abolished. I remember saying that to Karl Marx once, and he thought there might be an idea for a book in it.
- Quick Service (1940)

Her voice trailed away in a sigh that was like the wind blowing through the cracks in a broken heart.

...fell into the washing machine and did as many revolutions per minute as a small African republic....

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
- The Code of the Woosters (1938)

"I remember years ago, Bertie," said Aunt Dahlia, "when you nearly swallowed your rubber comforter and started turning purple. And I, ass that I was, took it out and saved your life. Let me tell you, it will go very hard with you if you ever swallow a rubber comforter again when only I am by to aid."
- Right Ho, Jeeves (1934)

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
- The Old Reliable (1951)

"And deer?''
"Several deer.''
"I love deer.''
"Me, too. I've met some very decent deer.''

Whatever may be said in favour of the Victorians, it is pretty generally admitted that few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.
- Summer Moonshine (1938)

The face was drawn, the eyes haggard, the general appearance that of one who has searched for the leak in life's gaspipe with a lighted candle.

Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoi's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
- Jill the Reckless (1921)

"What was that about glue?''
"Igloo, it's a sort of gloo they have up in the Arctic circle.''
"I see.''
"Stickier than the usual kind.''

I can detach myself from the world. If there is a better world to detach oneself from than the one functioning at the moment I have yet to hear of it.

And closing the door with the delicate caution of one brushing flies off a sleeping Venus, he passed out of my life.
- Very Good, Jeeves (1930) "Jeeves and the Old School Chum''

The rule by which he had always lived was that the best would have to do until something better came along.

His first emotion was one of surprise that so much human tonnage could have been assembled at one spot. A cannibal king, beholding them, would have whooped with joy and reached for his knife and fork with the feeling that for once, the catering department had not failed him.

"What ho!'' I said.
"What ho!'' said Monty.
"What ho! What ho!''
"What ho! What ho! What ho!''
After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.
- Carry On, Jeeves (1925) "Jeeves and the Unbidden Guest"

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
- The Main Upstairs (1914)

How to Grow an [Amazing] Concert

Today was an amaaaaazing day. The highlight of it was in the evening, though not by much. Tonight I went to see Chris Thile perform with the How to Grow a Band. I've been wanting to see him in concert for several years now, and he finally came back to Pittsburgh on tour. It was at this fairly small, cool venue on the Southside, the Rex Theatre.

He's such a great musician, and the band he played with (a bass, guitar, banjo, and fiddle) were all extremely good as well, as performers, players, and singers too. His music breaks from the bluegrass tradition to incorporate a lot of modern rock, jazz, and pop influences, but it's still really "down home". I was literally beaming during the whole concert. :D I wish I'd brought my camera (which I'd forgotten at home stupidly) and didn't have any money to buy a cd either. :'( However, this hopefully won't be the last time I'll see him live. He's too good to pass up. He played songs from all three of his albums, some covers of rock songs (like those from The White Stripes and The Strokes), and played some new stuff too.

I'm really hoping to go see Nickel Creek too. They're coming to Cleveland in July and playing with Glen Phillips, and I just found out that they're coming to Columbus in August and playing with Fiona Apple!! I've been in love with them for longer than Chris Thile (although he is a member) and they're parting ways after this summer tour. So if I don't see them now, I might never get the chance. And now that I (just) found out the awesome guest musicians, I'll die if I don't go to one or both.

Today was also great even without the concert and welcome intel. This afternoon I went to lobby with my boss at Sierra Club. There's a new energy bill coming to the floor of the Senate soon and there are several amendments we'd like to see both Bob Casey and Arlen Specter support, and one, effectively subsidizing the creation of plants that produce liquid coal, we'd like them to reject. We met with two aides from both Arlen Specter's and Bob Casey's office. It was great to sit in and observe how the political and legislative sides of our government work. It was also astounding to see the differences between the two offices; Bob Casey's was far more open and informal than Specter's. Now that may be that Casey is a new Senator, but I'm not sure. . . . A few weeks ago I also got to meet with Jason Altmire, a Representative for the House from Pennsylvania. I could speak more on this subject and go into detail about what we discussed, but I'll refrain. You can ask me personally if you'd like to hear more though, this post will be long enough.

It is also Thursday! So you know what that means. . . (it's a long one tonight)

- Amazing (and uplifting) concerts, like the aforementioned Chris Thile one I just went to.
- Having good jobs. I’ve been learning a lot from the two internships I have this summer, and getting a lot of good and useful experiences, all of which is telling me that the field I am in is really for me.
- Being in the Carnegie Mellon bubble. As much as people complain about the nerdiness of CMU, I love it here; in few other places will you find such a high concentration of intelligent, diverse people. It will be hard to leave.
- Cheese, of all varieties. Without it I think my diet would be rather lackluster (and definitely missing crucial amounts of protein and calcium).
- Staying in touch with friends. It’s so hard, especially after you graduate from high school or college. I’m glad I still talk to so many of my friends from here, and am at least kept fairly up-to-date on their lives. If not, MESSAGE ME! Or start a blog so I can stalk you on it. ^_^
- Swimming. God I’ve missed it.
- Opportunities. Most of the time it’s really hard for me to see the kinds of opportunities available to me, especially when I’m surrounded by engineers getting high-paying, amazing jobs at Lockheed or NASA or Microsoft right out of college. But I’m realizing that just because I’m not an engineer doesn’t mean I’m not desirable to companies; in fact, I think I have too many opportunities because my career path is so open, and will probably have to narrow my job search to particular places so as not to get overwhelmed.

A Mess of Contradictions

I like to experiment with opposition. It seems like a lot of what I do, and what I like, and what I believe, contradicts itself. I love clothing and bags and superfluous luxury items, but I hate how they are idolized, and I dislike materialism and overindulgence. I recently discovered that I like to shoot guns, but I dislike the lax gun control laws that are in place, and believe that most people who own them shouldn’t. I recycle, but sometimes it’s just easier to throw things in the trash. I think people should be more carbon-conscious, but I am sometimes the first one to suggest turning the air conditioning on when it gets too hot. I want more people to use public transportation, but I want my own car as well. I love meat, but I've become a vegetarian. Some of these inconsistencies are brought on by major lifestyle changes that I'm not ready or capable of doing yet, and will probably work themselves out once I can commit to them, but some of them are just personality ticks, or me just being contrary.

While it can get confusing, most of the time the opposition doesn't really hamper my day-to-day life. I think it's a part of maturing, truthfully. People constantly reevaluate and "find" themselves, and can go through a dozen transformations in their lifetimes. Sometimes they're fast, sometimes more gradual, imperceptible even. And in response to these changes, people are constantly trying to reconcile their old lifestyle with their new and forming beliefs (with or without success). But life goes on, and I think that it's almost more natural to contradict oneself than to be consistent.

So I'm a vegetarian who likes meat, so what? ^_^ Contradictory behavior isn't proof of a hypocritical nature or a mercurial, flaky personality, it's just a sign of one's humanity (in all its richness and complexity). Enjoy people's inconsistencies, because without them they would be really boring.

It's summer, I can do whatever I want!

Like go bowling, play laser tag, go to half price randomly, party on a Wednesday.... I think I'm going to tire myself out by June. But it'll be awesome anyway.

I just realized that it's also Thursday, and I haven't done a Thankful Thursday in a while, so here goes:

- roommates. I've missed having them so much, and I love living with crazy boys who insist on dry firing their assault rifles while working on the computer (no joke).
- the weather. It's been really lovely here recently, and I love that it brings people outside. Which brings me to my next point:
- people being active. I was walking down the street to meet friends for gelato, and I passed by people walking their dogs, watering the lawn, and doing other kinds of summer activities that gave me that warm, fuzzy feeling (you know the kind).
- having free time again. I get to do those things I never do during the year, not only because I have the time, but all my friends do too.
- meeting new people. Always fun. ^_^
- finding the courage to try new things. I was never really afraid of it, but now I'm taking it to the next level. It's going to be a summer of new experiences and experiments, some already in full swing, and I'm really loving it. I feel like I'm shaking off the stale bits of my life and recreating myself.

Done and DONE!

Yesterday I completed the last final of my Junior year, a set of papers on the ethical and political philosophy of Jürgen Habermas. A few weeks ago I made my schedule for the fall, and suddenly saw how few classes I have left to take. It feels so strange to be a Senior; wasn't it just yesterday that I came to Carnegie Mellon for orientation? When I look back on all that these past 3 years, I'm amazed at how much I've done, and how much I've changed. So many of my friends are graduating this year, and starting in December, some of the people I've known from my own year will be leaving. How are we already becoming adults, and moving in to the real world?? Lucky for me that I decided to defer that eventuality and stay on for a master's degree. So far it's been a great time, and I'm looking forward not only for the summer, but to next year as well!

Onward to the next step!

Sad Story

This made me really sad. To be so wholly alone in the world that you wouldn't be missed by anyone if you died, and had so little contact with others that no one would notice your death for seven years is a miserable thought. I wish that things like this wouldn't happen to people, and that everyone has at least one person who'd notice their absence.

I wonder how many people live and die like this? Too many, I fear. Too many people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they forget about those who are alone, like this poor man. I think we need to stop walking around with blinders on to the rest of the world and start noticing the people around us, as well as remembering those who've passed on. Being remembered by others is the only way we can achieve immortality; it is only when you are forgotten that you are truly dead.

The Hypocrisy of California

California is almost idyllic for many people. It's beautiful beaches, sun-drenched mountains, amazing cities, and great opportunities. However, how many people know of the precarious foundations this state is built on?

In the course of my studies we have analyzed California every which way, from urban policy and economic innovation, investigating the reasons behind businesses' success, and also the many environmental advancements that are initiated there. The rest of the country often follows in their legislative and regulatory footsteps. While the state could now be considered a spearhead of the environmental movement, its history and many of its current policies are far from preservationist.

The state is one of the highest food-producing states in the country. Most of our fruits, vegetables, meats, or milk products come from California. Yet, if you've ever driven through any part of the state, you have to wonder, WHAT? The entire landscape is a mixture of arid desert, semidesert, or dry plain. One of the many attractions of California is the gorgeous weather, marked by blue sunny skies that are omnipresent. They have two seasons, the rainy and the other, and from March to November the entire state gets little to no rain at all. So, how do they do it, you wonder? Well, I'll tell you (summarizing of course).

During the Great Depression, Roosevelt began many public works projects to employ out of work men. The state of California was a very different place at that point in time, the cities much smaller, the land much drier, and devastating floods countering long droughts made farming difficult, to say the least. But with modern technologies emerging, farmers began to harness the land's natural resources, including a huge aquifer under the plains left from the last Ice Age, untouched until that point. They also decided to harness some of the water from rivers and divert it, building large dams and aqueducts to channel the water to "where it was needed". The government began setting aside money for these irrigation building projects, and water was dispersed to the farms, cheaply and efficiently. In a way, it was better than relying on natural methods of getting water to plants like rainfall, because it could be regulated on the time schedule best suited for the crop to prosper.

This changed the landscape of California from dry plain to blooming field. When you drive through the Central Valley of California now, you can see miles of lush growth, oranges, apples, garlic, even lettuce. But this change is inherently unsustainable. The water from the underground aquifers is being depleted but not replenished, and the water that is diverted from other areas is not enough to sustain the area for an indefinite period of time. So much of the water from these rivers has been diverted to other areas that their routes have been fundamentally changed. The Colorado River no longer runs into Mexico, and is now just a dry riverbed, disconcerting to a country that is in desperate need of drinkable water.

Californians are farming a desert, and many people don't even realize it. Unless you knew about the grand schemes for getting water to the area, it would just look like an idyllic farmland, sunny and lush for mile upon mile. But someday, maybe even in my lifetime, we could see a fundamental shift, if there isn't enough water to go around. Policy-makers will have to come up with new ideas of sustaining the current land-use policies, but none of them will be permanent, and eventually the land will revert back to desert. Bad news for the farmers and the millions of people who rely on the region's agricultural productivity.

This revelation made me wonder how California could be an advocate for so much environmental change and yet allow this to keep happening. It's part of the hypocrisy of the state, which is mimicked throughout the rest of the country: focus on certain issues while ignoring others. It's a matter of convenience; air pollution is a problem for humans, directly detrimental to one's health, and should therefore be dealt with. However, farming makes a huge positive impact on the population, both in terms of the revenue it brings in and the product it sells. It is not economically "responsible" to create restrictions that would reduce the productivity of this breadbasket. However, sooner or later something catastrophic will occur that will lead to a lot of destruction, both economic and environmental. Something needs to be done, but I don't see any meaningful change likely for just the reasons I have listed. It will take a more drastic wake-up call than environmental theories of the future and threats of potential major destruction to incite people to change. And by then it will probably be too late.


As a caveat: this is not to say that California is alone in its hypocrisy. Most states in the US have similar stories they could share, harrowing tales of environmental disasters covered up quietly. In California, however, these problems are seen clearly, and with their almost unparalleled focus on environmental issues, I believe the state has more of a burden to explain itself.

Thankful Thursday

This week has been busy, but next week is so much busier. I'm both excited and sad for the end of the year, because I love the summer, but it also means that a bunch of my friends are graduating and I'll be a senior. It will be weird to come back next year and have all those people I've relied on the past three years not around.

This week, I'm thankful for:

- having something to look forward to. Be it a class, or a meeting, a concert or summertime, anticipation is almost as enjoyable as the actual thing.

- humor. Not only do I love to laugh, I love making people laugh, even if it's at my own expense.

- "being involved". I'm so glad I have the opportunity to do a lot of things, from Soundbytes to Senate. I feel like I'm making a difference, even at the smallest level and I can't wait until I take that to the next step after college.

- being accepted into the Heinz School. Next year I'll be starting my Master's in the accelerated program, which is amazing. I'm one of only five who got in, and it's a pretty prestigious school of public affairs (ranked 8th overall in the country). Not only do I get the opportunity to learn more about my chosen craft, I get to do it at a great school in only one extra year. How cool is that?

- good advice. I tend to ask for advice from friends a lot, and I'm thankful that they give it to me freely, and don't get sick of me asking for it. :)

Carnival Madness

While I don't feel comfortable writing about most of what went on at Carnival in such a public forum as a blog, I still think the long weekend merits at least a comment, if not more.

I spent Wednesday night building booth for Fringe, and by night I mean all night; I didn't sleep until midnight Thursday night. However crappy sleep deprivation is, I think this was a memorable and still fun way to do it. Our booth was themed after the Mousetrap game, and it turned out pretty well. Thursday we had a bomb scare, which was not so fun, but luckily it was nothing. In the wake of the Virginia Tech disaster, the police weren't taking any chances. And lucky for us Carnival folk, they didn't close anything down. That evening I went to see Demetri Martin, who is well-known through The Daily Show. He was hilarious, and I was really glad to have been able to go, since seating was limited.

On Friday, Soundbytes had our annual Carnival concert, and though it wasn't as well attended as I would have liked, a lot of alumni came back to visit, like Dwight and Dave. It was so great to see them both. We sounded good, and sang my first arrangement for the first time. Yay Han Joo, for sounding so good on his first solo! That evening was spent with Fringe people, having a grand olde time.

Saturday I woke up early (after staying up late) to watch buggy for the first time. It was cold but so much fun. It's nice to watch and cheer for the fruits of a year's hard labor. That night was awards, and Fringe did really well. We came in third for our booth, the first time we've placed for booth in several years. Fringe A-team came in second for buggy behind Pika, which we were pretty happy about, and we also won several awards for our buggy design. SigEp won first again for their booth (a Nintendo theme) and Theta won for the sororities (a beehive).

Saturday is the night for parties, since all the buggy folk are done and can stay up late. I spent that night in the way you might imagine (to some extent) a college student to spend it. I watched the fireworks for the first time, with Dwight who finally came by, and it was really fun.

Sunday was reserved for tear down, a depressing show of the wastefulness of Carnival festivities. However, Fringe saved most of the materials used, so it wasn't all bad. I'm sad that Carnival is over, since this was probably the best one I've ever had. I felt very liberated, and I did almost everything I wanted. I have but one regret: I didn't go to Holi on Saturday like I wanted to. It's a paint festival put on by several Indian organizations, and I've wanted to go for a while, but forgot about it at the last minute. C'est la vie. Maybe next year I'll get the chance.

The next week is going to be really crazy-busy, since I didn't do any work over the weekend, and there are only two weeks until the end of the semester. It's shaping up to be very interesting, and hopefully a lot of the things I am hoping for will pan out. Wish me luck!

Thankful Thursday

First of all, I'd like to mark this day as a milestone in my life (sort of). Yesterday I pulled my first all-nighter, granted non-academic, building booth for Fringe. I've only had a short nap in 38 hours, but it was worth it to have accomplished so much, and had so much "fun" in doing it!


There's a lot I'm thankful for this week:

- Being close to extended family. This year has been a tumultuous one for both sides of my family, and I am so thankful to be close to them, both physically and emotionally. Being in Pittsburgh, I'm able to do things with them I never could have anywhere else and be a part of their lives in a way I hadn't been since I'd moved away from the area. They are also so supportive, even more than I had expected.

- New beginnings. Even when things are looking down, there seems to be something, be it a person, an activity, or a object, that helps me cope and find hope for the future.

- Safety precautions and services at my school. In the aftermath of the tragedy that occurred at Virginia Tech (which I was particularly stunned by given that I had lived a half an hour away from there for 7 years) I really appreciate the mechanisms in place to keep my campus safe. While there seems to be very little one can do to prevent these kinds of extreme events from occurring, there is so much at Carnegie Mellon that helps students stay safe in this urban environment. We have recently had our own small scare, which really made me aware of how easily something like what happened at Virginia Tech could happen here ,and how glad I am that there are methods of protection in place for all types of emergencies.

-Fun distractions like booth, Carnival, and parties. I only wish they happened more frequently.

- Welcoming friends. I am so happy to have people around me who accept me into their lives, and actively want me a part of it. And I love returning the gesture.

- Being 20. As much as I might moan about being underage and being locked out of a big part of the social scene of my 21+ friends, I really like being 20. It's a good age, albeit made more of a transitional age, but rather than impatiently wait for my entrance into the realm of full adulthood, I'm going to enjoy these last three months of underage-dom as much as I can. You're only 20 once.

And this is the kind of ignorance I hope to remedy...

It is sad that in these times, people could believe things like this are true. No matter how comic, it reveals an appalling lack of sheer common sense. It did give me a chuckle though. ^_^

Thankful Thursday

I decided to steal this from Ashleigh, who stole it from someone else, who probably stole it from someone else.... but that doesn't mean it's not a great idea. So this week, here's what I'm thankful for.

- free food. I get it a lot, and it makes me happy all the time.
- existentialism
- packages, both the expected and unexpected ^_^
- friend-on-friend therapy sessions
- BOOTH
- music. I'm rediscovering my love for it.
- Korean soap opera
- arts and crafts projects. They are sooooo relaxing.
- springtime. Even though it's cold outside, plants are determined to sprout and get leafy.

Thought-Provoking

At least I think it is. It gave me some perspective.

If tomorrow was the last day of your life, who would you want to spend it with, and what would you do?

Thank You

A lot of you who read this blog know how hard these past few weeks have been for me. I feel like I've started a new phase in my life, and the transition has not been easy. But you have been there for me, from patiently listening and giving innumerable hugs, to expressing words of comfort and support. You got me out of my room (and made me eat) and you told me that everything would be all right. And you know what, you were right. Even though I still have a ways to go, I know I will be okay, because you helped me find the strength I didn't think I had. You have all lent your shoulders for me to cry on, and have been more supportive than I had ever imagined friends could be. For all of this, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Think SPRING!

I went for a run today, and despite the fact that it made me even more aware of how incredibly out of shape I am, I really enjoyed it. I never used to like running, but ever since this summer I've missed being able to take an hour and just jog around the city. The weather is finally getting nice enough to be outside. Which brings me to my next point:

SPRING! It's the beginning of Spring here in the lovely 'burgh. The leaves and flowers are starting to come out and people are springing up seemingly out of nowhere (no pun intended). The entire city is vibrant with people walking down the sidewalks, playing frisbee in the parks or just lounging in the sun.

Living in New York, I never got the full springtime experience; we just went straight from winter to summer. This year it's been almost unseasonably warm, in the 70s with clear sky. The only way you can tell it's not summer (or California) are the bare trees. This kind of weather is so valuable in Pittsburgh. Most of the year is spent cold, dark, and snowy. As much as people complain about cold and snowy winters (which I happen to like), they really make you appreciate the good weather when it comes. And you can tell in people's looks; they're happier and more energized because of it. However, this will all change at the end of the week, when we're supposed to be getting snow. :(

Until then, I will be taking advantage of the sun and warmth by spending a lot of time outside. Maybe I'll see you there!

I Think I'm in Love

With Korean soap opera!!! Every time I say that people groan and smile, but so what? It's amazing on its own, although it's better if you have a real live Korean translating for you because the subtitles are completely inadequate. The actors are adorable and hot, the plots are hilarious, and above all, it's just addicting.

I've started watching Goong, translated as Princess Hours, but literally Palace, it's a story about a girl who marries into the crown prince of Korea while still in high school (assuming a lot, since there is no longer a monarchy in Korea). I think it's based on a comic book by the same name, and apparently follows it pretty well. There are a few pretty famous Korean actors and singers in the show, but I'm not knowledgeable about that at all. It's really fun, and I highly recommend it.

In total, I think the show has 24 episodes (each an hour long). We've finished 4. I can't wait to watch more!!

On the Nature and Importance of Relationships

I've been thinking hard recently on the nature of romantic relationships and how important they are in one's life. At this stage in life people are just getting into serious relationships, and for many they are still not on the radar. The, shall we say, unlucky few who must transition from their first serious relationship into singledom again come across two factions: the people who say, in response to your plight, that they're so glad they aren't interested in a serious relationship, or the people who pity you without really being fully aware of the emotional roller-coaster you're on. Perhaps I'm generalizing and glossing over the few who can commiserate with you, and maybe I'm being to hard on the people that just don't know what you're going through, but you just don't know how inadequate that kind of pity, no matter how good-natured, is until you're in the situation yourself. Even then, it might not even be possible to fully understand what the person is going through.

However, this is not meant to be a bash-fest on people who try to help (because they really are great) but a caution to the others, the people who don't recognize the greatness of a committed relationship. I recently had a conversation with some people about this, and they both agreed that they were glad not to be in a relationship because of the potential heartache involved. It was an "I'm so glad I missed that accident" tone. Were they right in thinking that? I thought. Is this type of relationship something to be avoided? Well, clearly the ending of it is, because of the pain. But does the pain of a breakup negate all the good stuff about the relationship preceding it?

Most people would immediately say no, even people who aren't ready to be in a serious relationship now. Everyone has at least some kind of misty-eyed vision of a future love, a committed, happy relationship with the person who "completes you". But do people really think about what it means if that idyllic relationship ends? It hurts, it's a blow to the self-esteem, and it almost never ends how you thought it would. However, people who might want to avoid relationships for fear of the pain of a breakup miss out on so much more. A relationship gives you a chance to grow, emotionally and otherwise. No matter how long or how short, how bad or how good, there is always something to be learned from a relationship, about yourself, about your interests, desires, goals, needs or about how you can better interact with another. Giving up that chance to learn about yourself for fear of being hurt is almost like giving up going to college for fear of being far from home.

A relationship is also more than that. It gives you a feeling of utter elation that can be felt in no other way. It is being almost drunk with love and happiness and doing silly things because of it. It really is one of the best feelings in the world to think the world of someone, and it is something far greater to know that they feel the same way for you.

Relationships end, not always happily, and the longer they lasted the harder it is to overcome the emotion you had and the pain you feel from losing the person that was once so special to you. But the net worth of a relationship is so definitively positive that avoiding it prevents you from experiencing one of the greatest gifts of life.

Don't waste it.

Acceptance :D

Although I found this out on Wednesday, I didn't have time to post. I'd been waiting for an email from the Heinz School notifying me if I got accepted into the Accelerated Master's Program, and I DID! I was getting worried because people had already gotten their letters. Personally, I think it's quite unprofessional to send out the letters over the period of a month or more, leaving people anxious and frustrated when they have sit and hear the good news of other people, feeling their chances sink (in their minds). I was worried that I'd be rejected, and I realized during that time that I had, albeit unconsciously, set myself up to assume I'd be getting the good letter. I hadn't really planned for any alternatives, which I realize now was not the best idea. But it's moot, because I did get in, and am 99.9% sure I'm going. Which means.... that I'll be in Pittsburgh another year. Regardless of people giving their condolences (which I find annoying) I like Pittsburgh and am happy to spend another year living here. I've always had roots here, and I feel like I've grown even more over the past three years. I'm proud to be a resident of this city, and it will be a sad day when I move from it.

My fate being thus determined (at least for the next two years), I felt a surge of relief. On that score anyway. This week was torture, though nearly not as bad as last semester. I had three exams, two over two hours long, and a set of papers due for my philosophy class on Nietzsche and Kierkegaard. It's such a rush when everything is finally done, and you can finally relax.

And by relax, I mean at the BEACH! On Saturday my friends and I are taking a road trip to South Carolina to spend the week bumming around enjoying each other's company. This will be the first Spring Break I've spent with girls. :) Kinda crazy, yeah? It will be a marked change from the last two years, and I think I'm going to enjoy myself immensely (not that I didn't in previous years).

Anxious

Today is the 1st of March, which wouldn't be an eventful day in any other year but this year has given me jitters. It marks the beginning of the end of the interim time between applying to the Heinz School and hearing back from them. In January I applied for the accelerated master's program in public policy, and I knew that I wouldn't hear back before March 1st. However, because it is the 1st, all the anxiety that I had been stoically ignoring in February can no longer be suppressed. It will be such a great opportunity if I am accepted, and I should be hearing back in a week or so! Hence the nervousness. Wish me luck!

Soundbytes L<3VE

Last Saturday night Soundbytes put on a last-minute show with the University of Michigan group Amazin' Blue. They are spectacular, and we had a great time performing with them (at at the afterparty later). Erica, from Counterpoint, was at the concert and was kind enough to video some of the songs we performed. It's not the highest quality, but it's still really cool to see!!!

Drops of Jupiter
- arranged by Melissa, performed by Ashleigh

Short Skirt, Long Jacket/BustAMove
- arranged by Ryan (M.), performed by Matt

Crazy
- arranged by Ryan (M.), performed by Alex

Enjoy!!

Good News/Bad News

Already this week is one big whirlwind. Good and bad things happened today, and I thought you'd like to know:

Bad News:

Ryan just left to go back to California (sad!) very early this morning, and I probably won't see him for two months. There's a larger story to the weekend, but I won't delve into that. However, I did have a lot of fun, and fell in love with salsa dancing and Rolli's grape leaves.

Good News:

For the past week I was getting worried/angry about a homework assignment due for my Monday class because I wasn't sure what it was on without any response back. But today I went to her office hours and found out it's not due until next week. Okay, so it's not a great story, but it's the little joys in life that make it fun. :)

The bigger news is that I got an accepted to be an RA for next year. The process was really long, and the positions are highly sought-after since your housing is essentially paid for. I thought about applying last year, but for several reasons missed the deadline. I'm really glad that I did this year though, because it means that my parents don't have to pay as much in tuition next year, and if I get accepted into the Heinz master's program, I could potentially have my housing paid for in my fifth year if I decide to continue being an RA (which I definitely would).

One other nice thing that I've been anticipating: my brother is coming to stay with me for a few days! He gets the week off (because my high school is weird) and my parents and he will be coming down to spend time with family/me. I've always wanted him to visit, and now he finally is.

Valentine's Day

Most people, and I include myself in this group, think Valentine's Day is a trumped-up Hallmark holiday meant to increase retail sales during an otherwise very dry shopping season. It makes people sad and lonely if they're not with someone and it makes people titchy when they are. A lot of unneeded stress, I say; you have to build romance into the day through gift-giving and money-spending, or you'll have to bear your significant other's irrational wrath because you didn't do so. There is no other significance to V-Day than an excuse to spend more time (and mostly money) on a loved one, and if you really need a day to be more aware of the person you're with, your relationship probably has a problem.

However, recent events and epiphanies have led me to reevaluate this perception of V-Day and give it a bit of a break. Sure its premise is superficial, and a lot of people make fun of it as the "Obligation/Loneliness Awareness Day" because in a sense it has been made into that, but truthfully, we should be able to look past all the hype and at least be glad of the fact that we get a built-in day to remind you to cherish your loved one when perhaps you had forgotten, or are too busy to remember.

In all my experience, the people who gripe about the day the most still, in the end, buy a flower, or a card, or dinner, or even just give a kiss or a loving sentiment for their loved one. The day really isn't so bad or garish after all because you're spending it with a special person. So what if it's there for all the wrong reasons? That's no excuse not to celebrate it for the right ones.

My First Scarf

I've finished my first hand-knitted scarf!!! I'm so proud of myself. Diana taught me when I visited her in New York during winter break, and this is the product of my labor. It's very long, but used less than one skein. Still, I don't have enough yarn left over to make another one, so I guess I'll just have to go buy more! :)

Stories from California

After my lovely New York excursion (see below for details) I flew to California to visit Ryan. Right away I had a bit of an adventure. My layover was in Pittsburgh (oh the irony) and as I got settled into my seat for the flight I heard this man's voice behind me, terse and pretentious, snapping at the flight attendant for "shoving" his 600 dollar (extremely ugly) plaid sports jacket in the overhead bin. It was a full flight, so space was scarce. "You don't shove a 600 dollar sports coat in there, you place it in" he yelled peevishly. And after it was disposed of in the right way, he proceeded to look to his neighbors for sympathy, complaining about the flight attendant. I rolled my eyes at his shallowness and continued to wait for our departure, which was looking like it was going to be late as it was.

Before we left, a flight attendant walked down the aisle to make sure everything was secure, and noticed that the snobby man behind me was still on his laptop, even though they had made the announcement to turn off all electronic items. She asked him to turn it off and put it away, and he made some bland reply. This flight attendant, however, was not going to be talked down to. She became shorter and shorter, asking him if he was going to be a problem on the flight, telling him that she saw how he treated the other flight attendant about the jacket, snapping that he had better listen. When he gave some rude replies, she said "that was it, you're being taken off this flight" and walked away. Then he got a bit scared, and began complaining to his neighbors about his treatment.

The plane sat there for a few more minutes until we felt that we were pulling forward to the gate, not backward. The Captain announced that we had to return to the gate "to deal with some passenger issues". This got the man a bit angry. The flight attendant returned with a male attendant and a slip of paper, saying that it detailed why he was being taken off, that he "violated FAA regulations". He asked for her name, and she kept declining, and the male flight attendant kept saying "you have to leave now". He walked off in a huff, blustering that this was "outrageous, it's never happened to me before, completely outrageous", and a few people clapped. While this might have been a bit over-the-top, to take the man off for something rather small, the woman in front of me said that he had been making trouble before we boarded and that they had probably anticipated problems with him then. Still, a first for me, and kind of exciting.
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My next story has to do with my trip into San Francisco with Ryan. We decided that rather than driving his car and having to find parking, we'd buy day passes for the CalTrain (similar to the NJ Transit with New York) and take that in.



We spent the day walking around the downtown area and had dinner at a restaurant on Fisherman's Wharf, and I got to see the sea lions on Pier 39.



After dinner we began our way back to the CalTrain station, taking a trolley part of the way. It was a Sunday, so the train left every hour until midnight except 11:00. It was nearing 9:00 and we still had many blocks to walk, but we thought we might make it in time. As we neared, we realized that we'd probably would miss it by 5 minutes, so rather than running there to try to catch the 9:00 and wear ourselves out, we'd take a leisurely walk back and shop at the grocery store before the next train left.

We got to the station at 9:05 as predicted, and went to check just to make sure the train had left. Ryan tried to open the door only to find it locked, which was strange. A janitor working there told us that the station was closed and we had just missed the last train!! Ryan immediately took out his copy of the schedule, and sure enough, the times he had thought were for the weekend were only for Saturday night! I had to laugh, but he was really worried. We were stuck in downtown San Francisco at 9 o'clock at night, in a not-so-nice part of town, with no way to get home. We had to think of alternatives. We could either find a hotel to stay the night in or take a cab back to Mountain View. We asked a cab driver how much it would cost to drive to Mountain View, but he quoted too much. We stood there looking foolish for a bit, and I reasoned that it would probably cost the same to take a cab back as to rent a room and buy two more tickets for the next day's CalTrain in the morning, and more inconvenient.

Just then, a man walked up to us. "I heard that you missed the train and wanted to get back to Mountain View right? And that cab driver quoted you such and such a cost. Well, I can take you there for less." A bit shady, right? Well, we negotiated a price, and he accepted it and took us to his car. He was a legitimate cab driver, incidentally, and we got back to Mountain View. A bit embarrassing, but we got home regardless, and that's all that matters.

However, the story isn't complete. The next day Ryan biked into work so I could take his car in for lunch and meet him there. I'm ready to go and walk down to his parking spot, only to find his car missing. I walk around the complex, just to see that it wasn't in another spot, and call him to tell him about it. He immediately starts home, telling his boss about the problem, and I have to go tell his manager about it. I call the police and give them the information, and they tell me that they're sending an officer over. I sit tight to wait, so worried, and thinking that I must be back luck for this many bad things to happen to Ryan.

Then Ryan calls me. "I know where the car is," he says. It was parked in the CalTrain parking lot, where we'd left it the day before. In our stupidity, we forgot that in taking a taxi back to his apartment that we'd left his car parked to receive us when we got off the CalTrain we'd missed. So he went to get it, and I called the police back to tell them not to send the officer, and told the apartment manager about it. The worst part was that Ryan had to tell his boss about the whole affair.

New Yawk

Although it's been several days since I left, New York is still on my mind. I had a spectacular time with my lovely Diana, and will be going back there as soon as I am able, or as soon as she'll let me. :)

We spent at least half of every day in Manhattan (she lives in Brooklyn), going to the Met, meeting friends for lunch, spending time drooling over jewelry at Tiffany's or clothing and bags at Macy's. We spent a morning in Soho shopping (my new favorite place). If I ever live in New York that's where it'll be. Her mom is a great cook, so we ate dinner at her place several nights, and the last morning I was there Diana took me to a traditional Chinese brunch place where I was the only person who didn't speak Chinese. It was excellent and very fun. I also learned how to knit, and set a goal to knit a sweater by next Christmas. Let's see how I do!

I always thought that people who thought New York was the only place to live were full of themselves, but last week I understood, at least in part, why that's so.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yay for the first blog post of the new year! I hope this coming year will be as good (hopefully better) than the last, but I think I'm starting it off right. :) Maybe when I'm more awake I'll post more, and maybe my new year's resolutions, but for now....

I hope everyone had a great new year's!

The Transcontinental Traveller

So, it's official, I bought my tickets and everything! This will be the shortest I'll have been home for Christmas break EVER! I'm going to go visit my lovely New York friends right after New Year's, and then it's out to San Francisco for pretty much the rest of break. The downside is that I'll be back in Pittsburgh pretty early, but that just means that I'll have plenty of time to go grocery shopping and book buying before school starts. :)

This break is suddenly turning out better than I thought. :)

The Pinup and other quizzes

You are Betty Grable

The ulitmate girl next door You're the perfect girl for most guys Pretty yet approachable. Beautiful yet real.

What Famous Pinup Are You?

oh yeah... :)

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

I always knew it!

Home again

It's interesting, even though my life has been super busy lately, I haven't felt like anything was worth writing about. It makes me wonder if what I'm doing is really all that important. The semester is over and I'm back home for a while; at least for the holidays. I really want to visit people in January, so hopefully I'll get the opportunity to do that.

Being home has become a bit interesting since my first year in college. I love spending time with my family, but now it's persistently strained. My parents and I are on different sides of the spectrum, and while they "accept" my choices, I'm almost certain that they don't approve of them. It's incredibly frustrating to hear them talk about politics, religion, or current events without inwardly seething because not only do I disagree with them, but if I am bold enough to venture a contrary opinion I'll start a fight and further strain the already tense situation. So I sit quiet and hope that the topic is dropped quickly. I hate doing that, but I hate arguing with them so much more. I know I'll never change their views, and they don't approve of mine, so it's just easier to keep quiet about it. They hate liberals, feminists, environmentalists, basically anyone with a world-view that is different from theirs, and sometimes I think they'd hate me by extension. That's probably a bit strong, but a lot of the time it's true, and although they'd like to think that they're open-minded, they still make me feel so uncomfortable when I'm home.

This is not to say that my parents are bad people; everyone who's met them knows how nice they can be. It's just when you disagree with them on any point that they feel strongly about that it becomes hard.

On another note, Christmas is coming but it doesn't feel like it at all. It's so warm that it looks like it's going to be a rainy, warm Christmas. Yuck, I say. Where'd all the snow go? It's very unseasonable and un-Christmas-cheery.

Let me be a lemming...

And join my friends in filling out a survey. I don't feel like doing work yet anyway.

Two Names You Go By:
1. Lauren
2. Laur (only by my dad though)

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. the claddagh ring that never leaves my hand
2. argyle socks

Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. respect
2. the butterfly happy feeling

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. singing
2. drinking tea and reading Pride and Prejudice for the millionth time

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. cuddles with boyfriend :)
2. groceries

Two pets you had/have:
1. Miann Jiuh
2. my toy polar bear (my parents didn't like animals for the longest time)

Two people who will fill this out:
1. umm, Maggie, because she loves surveys
2. Ryan, because I'll make him :P

Two things you did last night:
1. watched way too much Sex in the City
2. read about neurophilosophy

Two things you ate today:
1. yummy salad
2. pizza

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. Ryan
2. Steve

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. last dance rehearsal of the semester
2. H&SS Senator meeting!!

Two longest car rides:
1. Pennsylvania to California (clearly not in one contiguous trip)
2. Pennsylvania to Florida

Two Favorite Holidays: I know it's completely unoriginal, but...
1. Thanksgiving
2. Christmas

Two favorite beverages:
1. raspberry iced tea
2. orange juice

The Last Week

It's here, the final week of classes. The semester went surprisingly fast, but nonetheless I am supremely happy to finish this set of classes. Not that I didn't like them, but 22 programming assignments will sicken even the most avid programmer. I have just a little bit of work to go, and I definitely don't want to do it. Usually the final class week is so incredibly piled with work and hectic because of it, but my week is going to be hectic because of meetings. I have a ton of stuff left to do before the week is out, and everything is culminating in the barrage of meetings and events that are scheduled for the next five days. My roommate and I thought of hanging a noose from our ceiling just at the idea of having so much going on, but I think using it will be a last resort. :)

The upside of all this is that my academic work is light for the week. A couple more programming assignments to finish, a presentation to create, and reading for a couple classes is about all I have to do. It's just hard to bring myself to do them when I'm so burnt out and stressing over the million other things I need to get accomplished outside of classwork. Some of it is fun, like shows. And now for the shameless plug:

- Dancer's Symposium is this Friday and Saturday at 8pm in Rangos
- Soundbytes will be caroling around campus for a bit on Tuesday afternoon (and probably during finals week as well)
- the H&SS senators in Student Senate are holding a meeting for their constituents this Wednesday at 6:30 in PH 125C. Come ask questions and see what we're up to. There will be food.
- Soundbytes Winter Concert is the Tuesday of Finals Week, starting at 9pm in UC Connan (I think). Counterpoint, Joyful Noise, and The Originals will also be performing. It'll be a blast, filled with awesome music and, of course, carols. :)