To the Fullest

My grandfather passed away this Friday. My dad called me while I was at dinner to tell me the news, and the people I was with were somewhat shocked when I told them. I felt bad because I didn't want to make them uncomfortable, as the news of a death in the family is sometimes hard for people to respond to.

The emotions surrounding a death are often complex, and this is no exception. With my uncle's death last year, it was a whole lot simpler because it was so sad and fast (he was 60 and died of pancreatic cancer). My grandfather was 88, and had developed dementia in the last few years of his life, so caring for him was becoming more difficult and he hadn't really been himself, so his death is bittersweet. He lived a very full life:

He was born in 1919 in Youngwood, PA and lived his whole life in that town. He grew up very poor; one of the most memorable pictures of his childhood was of him and his siblings standing in their mud-filled yard, with two of them sitting on a horse. I've always loved that picture, it evokes so much emotion.

During the Great Depression he worked for the CCC, planting trees in eastern Pennsylvania and sending the money back home. When World War II broke out, he joined the army and was stationed in India as a mechanic. I honestly don't remember when he married my grandmother, I think it might have been right after the war ended, but they had their first child in 1946 (my Uncle Michael, the one who passed away last September). He was the first of eight. In order to make ends meet, my grandfather worked three jobs at one point.

He was very Italian; he loved to work in his garden, and every summer had a small field planted with corn and another field planted with a variety of vegetables. He loved onion sandwiches. He was also very reserved, and talked but rarely.

I wish I had learned more about his life, because there was so much he experienced. I love that I came from someone who worked so hard throughout his life, and cared so much for his family. I really value all that he did for my mom and her brothers and sisters, and thereby for me.

After I heard the news, my friends and I finished dinner and left to attend opening night for the Pittsburgh Symphony. They played Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 and Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique. It was spectacular, and during that time I had a lot of time to think. My life is so rich, filled with great friends and so much opportunity, and I am so lucky to be alive and have all the things I do. My grandfather's death made me realize that I'm already a quarter of the way through it, God-willing. There's so much I want to do, and so little time to waste. I don't intend to watch the years pass without spending every day doing something I love, and maximizing on the opportunities that surround me.

With that in mind, here's a list of things I want to accomplish before I'm 25. I'd composed it a few months ago, and it's still being added to, but I wanted to put it down here to remind myself about everything I have left to do. I've already begun on the list and have done some of the things on it, but I'll leave it up to you to figure out what those are. ^_^

THINGS BEFORE 25

- graduate college
- be financially independent
- find a job I love
- go sky-diving
- learn to love my body
- fall in love again
- travel all 50 states (only 20 left!)
- live in another country
- travel to a new continent
- move to an unfamiliar place
- read a biography of every US president
- give up something I love (probably because it's bad for me)
- volunteer for a cause I truly believe in
- learn to live without regrets
- realize my own self-worth
- dye my hair an unnatural color
- paint another oil painting
- learn to drive standard
- become somewhat proficient in another language
- share a favorite pastime with a friend (i.e. make the friend fall in love with it)
- send inspiring thoughts to a random address via postcard
- travel to see a favorite musical group in concert
- learn to be on time
- try marijuana while I can still get away with it
- try a food I would never normally eat (something outrageously exotic)
- backpack through Europe
- get up obscenely early on a weekend to explore the city I’m in
- start a tradition with friends and stick to it
- learn to forgive
- live with as little hypocrisy in my life as possible
- get a pet
- do something completely spontaneous that ends up being one of the best events in my life
- visit a friend who lives far away
- work on a political campaign
- stop procrastinating
- go on an extended backpacking trip with a friend
- run in a marathon
- audition for American Idol
- accept and revel in the unknown

If you have any suggestions of things to add, let me know. Some of the goals are really ambitious, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish them in four years, but where's the fun in making something easy?

This whole experience has made me really value life even more than I already did, because of the acute understanding of one's own mortality that a death brings . There's no use in fearing death, which is something that I'm still coming to grips with, because it's an end everyone comes to. The only true power we have to overcome it is to live life to the fullest and value each day we have. I intend to do so.

My, How You've Grown!

I started caring for plants a few years ago, and my collection has grown since then, both in terms of the number of plants I have, and also their physical size. I recently decided that repotting was long past due, which I was completely right about; one plant's roots had started growing out of the bottom of the pot, and the other had sucked so many nutrients out of the soil that it had turned white. Now their happily living in their new, bigger pots with fresh soil, and I'm hoping they'll grow even faster now.


Before

After

Arrangement Love!

I feel so accomplished! Today Soundbytes started learning "Wannabe" by Spice Girls, which I'd finished last night. They're excited about it, and so am I. I think it will be upbeat and absolutely hilarious, and hopefully a suitable replacement for the Funky Music medley crowd-pleaser. I also pitched a new song to the group that had people more excited about an arrangement in a long time, "Headlock" by Imogen Heap. It'll be really hard, but so worth it when finished, because it's amazing. I have a crush on the song at the moment, and have been listening to it nonstop, which sometimes happens with certain songs or artists for me. I've had a music infatuation with Modest Mouse for a couple months, and it hasn't really abated yet. I'd love to do one of their songs a cappella, but we don't have an Isaac Brock voice in the group, sadly. :(



In other news, I've been sick this past month, and just had a relapse for the worse. Literally most of the school is sick with same thing, and I'm really hoping I kick it soon. I hate coughing up a lung and being unable to sing.

Language

I've recently been rediscovering my love of language, and have decided that I'd like to try to learn a bit of some Asian language. Nan and Diana have been teaching me phrases in Mandarin and Cantonese, and I'm apparently much better at Cantonese pronunciation than Mandarin (it's hard!!). I think it'll be useful to know a little bit so I can start recognizing some words that people use, and just generally understand more of the world.

I learned a few funny phrases from them, and worked really hard to get them right. ^_^ I challenge you to figure this one out (my jyutping might be a tad off though): dim gāai ne m̀h júng ji ngoh?

Picture Overload!

I just uploaded a bunch of pictures from the last month onto my computer, some of them I had intended on posting here long ago. The first set are from the flooding in Pittsburgh in early August, and the second set are from Jen's wedding this past Sunday.



The wedding, by the by, was wonderful. It was so fun to road trip to Philadelphia with Rohan, Ashleigh, Lara, and Maria (Rohan had a lot to put up with, four girls being in the car and all). We spent Saturday night in downtown Philadelphia, ate dinner with Ashleigh's family at a great Thai restaurant, and met with Dwight (who I know will be reading this, and needs to visit more often :P) at a bar/restaurant in a really awesome part of town. Philadelphia night life is just... cool. Bigger than Pittsburgh, more low-key than New York, with a really been-there vibe because of the colonial-era buildings, it was great fun.

At the wedding and reception on Sunday we saw a bunch of old 'Bytes we hadn't seen in years. It's strange to think that three of the people in Soundbytes when I entered freshman year are married! I feel both old and young at the same time. It was a great ceremony, and a wonderful reception. Very Jen, of course. ^_^ She looked really, genuinely, contagiously happy, as she should. Part of the reception incorporated some Chinese traditions, like a lion dance, and Jen changed into a more traditional Chinese dress halfway through. Unfortunately, we had to leave early to get back to Pittsburgh at a relatively reasonable hour (2am), so we missed the majority of the dancing. Ah well. She and Jon are probably in Hawai'i by now, enjoying their honeymoon. Congrats again to them!

Floored

Tonight I received an email of congratulation. I was selected to be an Andrew Carnegie Society Scholar, one of only 36. It was a complete surprise, not least because it came at 10 o'clock at night.

It is a recognition for high academic achievement and commitment to outside activities like volunteering, involvement in student organizations, participation in the arts, and the like. This alone was highly gratifying, because I don't presume to be the greatest scholar, and I certainly don't have the highest grades (although I do well), and while involved, I have always thought I could do more. Another part of the recognition is a scholarship, which again, was completely unexpected. It's of fairly significant value, too, which will be helpful, to say the least.

This is yet another reminder of the fact that I am a Senior, that the final year is upon me, and that we're "the best in the school", in the words of a senior friend. I never expected to be recognized in any material way, since my class is so much larger than my high school class and the bar is so much higher. I feel like I am much less outstanding here, both academically and otherwise, when compared to the hundreds of intelligent, passionate, and involved students at CMU. It's an honor to be recognized for the work I've done here by being counted as one of them, to know that it has been appreciated, and that is something rather special.

It takes all kinds to make a world...

But there are some the world might be better left without. I know that after a certain number of years, one develops a lot of friendships, loses some, and just overall gains a lot of experience in communication and person-to-person interaction. Sometimes relationships can get a little hairy (fights break out, you fall out of touch, the relationship becomes strained), but most of the time they are fairly routine, in the sense that those cataclysmic events between two people that occur in movies or stories would rarely if ever happen to them. I'm referring to battle royales, or "fights to the death", actions taken by people that are so very much larger-than-life that they couldn't possibly happen to you. Most people could be what is considered "normal"; that is, not conduct themselves in such a way as to create those often comical situations between a friend, or an enemy, or some other character in film that brings people to the theater nightly. Unfortunately, I think I fall in to the rare category of having just such a movie-esque experience. I got to see firsthand what completely irrational, rude, uncalled-for, destructive, blown-out-of-proportion behavior is - from the receiving end - and believe me, one that was certainly the opposite of comical (at the time), stressful, frustrating, and one I would rather have lived never experiencing.

Do I invite this kind of craziness into my life? I certainly hope not. Do I deserve to be treated in the certifiably insane way I was these last few days, especially so unexpectedly and with little-to-no provocation? I don't think so. My question is, who in their right mind DOES THIS? I didn't think things like what just happened to me actually happen in real life, but clearly I was mistaken. It really was straight out of science fiction, or maybe a soap opera. While I do love a good drama, I would rather it stay on the big screen where it belongs, and not creep uninvited into my life. And the people who do decide to take a trip on the crazy canal, maybe you should look into counseling, or some other form of psychotherapy before you decide to include other people and expose yourself so utterly to derision. Please people, just think before you act; you'll save yourself from a lot of ridicule.

Something about Values

I've started RA training, and while working grueling hours, it can be fun at times. We have the weekend off, of sorts, and then the dear freshies come to campus to start Orientation. In a way my building lucked out/got jipped, because we have no freshman this year. While this means we have more flexibility during Orientation week (a plus because now I can attend more Heinz Orientation events) we don't get to have first years to hang out with and get to know. Ah well.

Today we discussed "values" and while it's a topic that is often overdone, and can be fun to discover what values matter most to you. Surprisingly, a lot of mine correspond to my name, so here they are:

Love
Acceptance
Uniqueness
Respect
Empathy
INtelligence

There are more that correspond to my last name too, but I decided I didn't want to put my last name on here, for various reasons. Message me if you want to see it too.

Interesting, How Age Creeps up on Us

Last week I turned 21. It's interesting how people look forward to that birthday more than almost any other. A few days before I went to party at the fraternity of a friend of mine, a kind of pre-pre-birthday celebration, and the end of my days as a "lawbreaker" (from underage drinking of course). I felt old. Even though I wasn't yet 21, I still knew that I was one of the oldest people there, and in a few days time, one of the few legally allowed to be participating in the activities of said party. I felt my age creeping up on me, and it had been coming on for a while.

While excited for my birthday, the feeling was intermingled with one of slight dread. I know it probably sounds silly, but I wasn't all that sure I'd enjoy this birthday as much as I've done on my past birthdays. It marked the last birthday of major significance, the last one that meant something; 13, you're finally a teenager, 16, you can drive, 18, you can vote and are legally an adult, and finally, the big 21. After this, what birthdays are there of any importance? 25? Yes, now you're in your mid-twenties. 30? You're starting to get old, and the black balloons of 40 seem startlingly close. At 21, the gates have opened for you, you've been allowed entrance into the adult world, and while you've waited for this day for, well, probably years, it also marks one of the last times you can still be a kid.

I felt my age rushing upon me faster than I would have liked. My parents have made their reservations at a local hotel for my graduation weekend; I've been accepted into a graduate program and will be starting my master's classes in a few weeks; I was turning 21, and would finally be able to go to places I'd been denied for the last three years. Maybe I was overreacting, but I was a bit scared. It's a big change, going from being the youngest person at the party to being the oldest, feeling almost out of place at a place I'd been completely comfortable in for years. Many of my friends have left and found jobs, are getting married, have bought houses. While I'm looking forward to all of that, I'm not sure I'm ready for it just yet.

So it was with these sobering thoughts that I entered my 21st year of being. Don't misunderstand, I was excited about it more than anything else; the darker thoughts didn't weigh that heavily on my mind. But they were still somewhat present, and they all came rushing back when I went for my first legal drink. I entered the bar somewhat nervously because the bouncer almost didn't let me in (something about not being sure of the bar's policy on dates, "the day you open is the day you close", etc.), and ordered a Smithwick's Irish Ale, which I had never had before. The bar was pretty empty, it was late, and the bartender called me "Old Lady" every time he passed me by. ^_^

Instead of feeling old like I had been dreading for about a month, sure that that was what was going to happen, I felt young! I had been a good girl, I don't have a fake i.d. and the bars in Pittsburgh card fairly rigorously, so I had never been to a bar before that day. It came like an epiphany: all those years of drinking were illegal. While legally the age of adulthood is reached at 18, it is not until 21, the age when that last constraint on your behavior is lifted, that you fully attain it. It's like the adulthood I'd experienced was a pale shadow of the real thing, which has absolutely nothing to do with being allowed to drink and everything to do with a cultural acceptance that you are finally old enough to make unrestricted decisions about your behavior.

I laughed at myself for being so naive to think that I was old by being 21. It just shows how young I really am, I suppose. There's a whole world of experience out there that I haven't tapped into yet, and even though I've finally left childhood and adolescence behind (though most people, including myself, would hate to admit that it has lasted this long), I've only just entered adulthood. I still have all of my twenties left!

So find me silly, find me naive, and laugh with me for thinking these things, which is what I did. I thought myself old, and found myself young. I'm only 21!

Goodbye, Harry Potter

I finished the seventh Harry Potter book. In two days. While I won't reveal plot details (you can find those out yourself by reading it) I just wanted to say that it was probably one of the best books I have ever read. And I've been reading prolifically since I was three. I laughed, I cried, and I was deeply moved. While some might think it's laughable that I was moved by a children's fantasy book, by the last installment of a series that many might feel is undeserving of the praise heaped upon it, I think that they are cynics, and will probably never fully understand the greatness of these books.

I grew up with this series, with Harry Potter. I began reading them, in protest, finally wheedled into it by a younger, very persistent brother. Instantly I couldn't put it down, and reached for the next book immediately after finishing the first. I waited impatiently for every release, wondered at what the next book would reveal, and fell into every book more thoroughly than I have ever done with any book in my entire life. I was engrossed by these stories, by the world of magic and Muggles. Harry often became as real to me as any other person.

The stories were great not because of the amazing world J.K. Rowling had crafted. She stole a great deal from previous lore, from myths and fables and even the Bible, and a lot of the magic had "serious flaws", no comprehensible boundaries. They became so wildly popular, each release bigger than a movie premiere, and much more secretive and heavily coordinated, which I know irritated some. Despite this, the books are, in a word, amazing. It is her wonderful prose that makes the books instant classics, which draws you into their world so wholly. It is the message she was sending, and the heavy subjects she dwelt upon, like the nature of death, importance of love, family, and valor, and the power of destiny, each of which might mean something different for every reader, and meant a lot to me. And ultimately, it is Harry, the character she created that embodies so many virtues, who is lovable and selfless and so incredibly complex and rich, that makes each of the seven books rank among the highest in my literary lexicon.

I felt that with the book's final chapters I would see my childhood end; there would be no more Harry Potter and Hogwarts to take me back to the realm of childhood wonderment that I have felt for ten years. I have grown up, and so has Harry, and it is time for both our childhood's to end, to move forward into the next phase of our respective lives. And in seeing the ending, I have no feelings of regret or sadness that I thought I might. It was time, and I couldn't have conceived of a better finale.

J.K. Rowling, mischief managed.

Nickel Creek and Glen Phillips!!!

Last night I went to Cleveland, OH to see one of my favorite bands of all time, Nickel Creek. It was unbelievable. They were joined by a member of the Mutual Admiration Society, the former lead singer of Toad the Wet Sprocket (and another one of my favorite artists), and now a phenomenal solo artist in his own right, Glen Phillips.

I don't think I can do justice to how much fun I had, or how great the concert was, so I'll show you. My pictures turned out horribly since we weren't allowed to use flash and I was sitting fairly far away, but by the powers of technology, I took some video! It's really low resolution, but the sound quality is pretty good, especially for a tiny Nikon digital camera. ^_^

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

This Side - Nickel Creek


Reasons Why - Nickel Creek



Set Me Up With One of Your Friends - Chris Thile, played by Nickel Creek



All This Time - Sara Watkins, played by Nickel Creek (new!!)


Let it Fall - Sean Watkins, played by Nickel Creek and Glen Phillips



Exit Music (for a film) - Radiohead, played by Nickel Creek and Glen Phillips


P.S. Today I am thankful for music, and technology that allows me to record amazing live concerts clandestinely.

The Laurel Highlands

Yesterday I went hiking in the Laurel Highlands, bum arm and all. (You don't need arms to hike). It was a beautiful day, and while Pennsylvania doesn't have any sweeping vistas other than steadily rolling hills covered in trees (which are obscured by even more trees), it was still lovely.

Just Call Me "Gimp"

Even though it's a bum arm, not a bum leg. I've been meaning to update with posts about my brother's graduation and cousin's wedding, along with a lot of other stuff, but a badly sprained wrist has prevented me from doing much typing. As it is, I'll have to wait until my arm feels good enough to type without much pain (this post itself is rather difficult). I thought I'd share a picture of the bruise I procured at the same time I sprained said wrist. I definitely did a number on my whole right side. Quite the klutz.

Thankful Thursday

I must relate a hilarious story I heard last night, summed up in a quote:

"How many times do we have to tell you, when you've run out of toilet paper, do NOT use the cardboard!"

I think it speaks for itself. I love boys. ^_^

And now for Thankful Thursday:

- exercise buddies. They make it so much easier for me to work out, and it's much more fun. Plus we gossip (although that's hard when you're underwater).

- finally being semi-good at a team sport. I have never been athletic, and have started to get more so, but it's still hard for me to play team sports. I have horrible hand-eye coordination. So finding a sport I can play without standing on the sidelines the whole time is a first for me. Go Ultimate!

- making new friends. Enough said, friends are awesome.

- new underwear. This might be TMI for some of you, but seriously, getting new underwear is really nice.

- Jack Bauer. Without him, the US (or at least LA) would have gone to shit. ^_^

- being respected by my advisors/bosses. Every time I go in to talk to my academic advisor, she persuades me to do something I didn't think I could, and she always tells me how great I've been doing. It's so motivational.

- having a cool job that looks like it will be able to catapult me farther than I had anticipated, and be beneficial on several levels.

A Talent for Similes

I've become enamored with P.G. Wodehouse, an early 20th century humorist. He seems to match acerbic wit with superb imagery, often directed towards those ever-so-evil relations, Aunts, which can be summed up as: "It is no use telling me there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof".

I thought I'd share some of my favorite quotes from his plethora of work. I hope they give you a chuckle, or maybe even a chortle. ^_^

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Right Hon. was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "When!"
- Very Good, Jeeves (1930)

Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.
- Sally (1920)

What a curse these social distinctions are. They ought to be abolished. I remember saying that to Karl Marx once, and he thought there might be an idea for a book in it.
- Quick Service (1940)

Her voice trailed away in a sigh that was like the wind blowing through the cracks in a broken heart.

...fell into the washing machine and did as many revolutions per minute as a small African republic....

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
- The Code of the Woosters (1938)

"I remember years ago, Bertie," said Aunt Dahlia, "when you nearly swallowed your rubber comforter and started turning purple. And I, ass that I was, took it out and saved your life. Let me tell you, it will go very hard with you if you ever swallow a rubber comforter again when only I am by to aid."
- Right Ho, Jeeves (1934)

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
- The Old Reliable (1951)

"And deer?''
"Several deer.''
"I love deer.''
"Me, too. I've met some very decent deer.''

Whatever may be said in favour of the Victorians, it is pretty generally admitted that few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.
- Summer Moonshine (1938)

The face was drawn, the eyes haggard, the general appearance that of one who has searched for the leak in life's gaspipe with a lighted candle.

Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoi's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
- Jill the Reckless (1921)

"What was that about glue?''
"Igloo, it's a sort of gloo they have up in the Arctic circle.''
"I see.''
"Stickier than the usual kind.''

I can detach myself from the world. If there is a better world to detach oneself from than the one functioning at the moment I have yet to hear of it.

And closing the door with the delicate caution of one brushing flies off a sleeping Venus, he passed out of my life.
- Very Good, Jeeves (1930) "Jeeves and the Old School Chum''

The rule by which he had always lived was that the best would have to do until something better came along.

His first emotion was one of surprise that so much human tonnage could have been assembled at one spot. A cannibal king, beholding them, would have whooped with joy and reached for his knife and fork with the feeling that for once, the catering department had not failed him.

"What ho!'' I said.
"What ho!'' said Monty.
"What ho! What ho!''
"What ho! What ho! What ho!''
After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.
- Carry On, Jeeves (1925) "Jeeves and the Unbidden Guest"

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
- The Main Upstairs (1914)

How to Grow an [Amazing] Concert

Today was an amaaaaazing day. The highlight of it was in the evening, though not by much. Tonight I went to see Chris Thile perform with the How to Grow a Band. I've been wanting to see him in concert for several years now, and he finally came back to Pittsburgh on tour. It was at this fairly small, cool venue on the Southside, the Rex Theatre.

He's such a great musician, and the band he played with (a bass, guitar, banjo, and fiddle) were all extremely good as well, as performers, players, and singers too. His music breaks from the bluegrass tradition to incorporate a lot of modern rock, jazz, and pop influences, but it's still really "down home". I was literally beaming during the whole concert. :D I wish I'd brought my camera (which I'd forgotten at home stupidly) and didn't have any money to buy a cd either. :'( However, this hopefully won't be the last time I'll see him live. He's too good to pass up. He played songs from all three of his albums, some covers of rock songs (like those from The White Stripes and The Strokes), and played some new stuff too.

I'm really hoping to go see Nickel Creek too. They're coming to Cleveland in July and playing with Glen Phillips, and I just found out that they're coming to Columbus in August and playing with Fiona Apple!! I've been in love with them for longer than Chris Thile (although he is a member) and they're parting ways after this summer tour. So if I don't see them now, I might never get the chance. And now that I (just) found out the awesome guest musicians, I'll die if I don't go to one or both.

Today was also great even without the concert and welcome intel. This afternoon I went to lobby with my boss at Sierra Club. There's a new energy bill coming to the floor of the Senate soon and there are several amendments we'd like to see both Bob Casey and Arlen Specter support, and one, effectively subsidizing the creation of plants that produce liquid coal, we'd like them to reject. We met with two aides from both Arlen Specter's and Bob Casey's office. It was great to sit in and observe how the political and legislative sides of our government work. It was also astounding to see the differences between the two offices; Bob Casey's was far more open and informal than Specter's. Now that may be that Casey is a new Senator, but I'm not sure. . . . A few weeks ago I also got to meet with Jason Altmire, a Representative for the House from Pennsylvania. I could speak more on this subject and go into detail about what we discussed, but I'll refrain. You can ask me personally if you'd like to hear more though, this post will be long enough.

It is also Thursday! So you know what that means. . . (it's a long one tonight)

- Amazing (and uplifting) concerts, like the aforementioned Chris Thile one I just went to.
- Having good jobs. I’ve been learning a lot from the two internships I have this summer, and getting a lot of good and useful experiences, all of which is telling me that the field I am in is really for me.
- Being in the Carnegie Mellon bubble. As much as people complain about the nerdiness of CMU, I love it here; in few other places will you find such a high concentration of intelligent, diverse people. It will be hard to leave.
- Cheese, of all varieties. Without it I think my diet would be rather lackluster (and definitely missing crucial amounts of protein and calcium).
- Staying in touch with friends. It’s so hard, especially after you graduate from high school or college. I’m glad I still talk to so many of my friends from here, and am at least kept fairly up-to-date on their lives. If not, MESSAGE ME! Or start a blog so I can stalk you on it. ^_^
- Swimming. God I’ve missed it.
- Opportunities. Most of the time it’s really hard for me to see the kinds of opportunities available to me, especially when I’m surrounded by engineers getting high-paying, amazing jobs at Lockheed or NASA or Microsoft right out of college. But I’m realizing that just because I’m not an engineer doesn’t mean I’m not desirable to companies; in fact, I think I have too many opportunities because my career path is so open, and will probably have to narrow my job search to particular places so as not to get overwhelmed.

A Mess of Contradictions

I like to experiment with opposition. It seems like a lot of what I do, and what I like, and what I believe, contradicts itself. I love clothing and bags and superfluous luxury items, but I hate how they are idolized, and I dislike materialism and overindulgence. I recently discovered that I like to shoot guns, but I dislike the lax gun control laws that are in place, and believe that most people who own them shouldn’t. I recycle, but sometimes it’s just easier to throw things in the trash. I think people should be more carbon-conscious, but I am sometimes the first one to suggest turning the air conditioning on when it gets too hot. I want more people to use public transportation, but I want my own car as well. I love meat, but I've become a vegetarian. Some of these inconsistencies are brought on by major lifestyle changes that I'm not ready or capable of doing yet, and will probably work themselves out once I can commit to them, but some of them are just personality ticks, or me just being contrary.

While it can get confusing, most of the time the opposition doesn't really hamper my day-to-day life. I think it's a part of maturing, truthfully. People constantly reevaluate and "find" themselves, and can go through a dozen transformations in their lifetimes. Sometimes they're fast, sometimes more gradual, imperceptible even. And in response to these changes, people are constantly trying to reconcile their old lifestyle with their new and forming beliefs (with or without success). But life goes on, and I think that it's almost more natural to contradict oneself than to be consistent.

So I'm a vegetarian who likes meat, so what? ^_^ Contradictory behavior isn't proof of a hypocritical nature or a mercurial, flaky personality, it's just a sign of one's humanity (in all its richness and complexity). Enjoy people's inconsistencies, because without them they would be really boring.

It's summer, I can do whatever I want!

Like go bowling, play laser tag, go to half price randomly, party on a Wednesday.... I think I'm going to tire myself out by June. But it'll be awesome anyway.

I just realized that it's also Thursday, and I haven't done a Thankful Thursday in a while, so here goes:

- roommates. I've missed having them so much, and I love living with crazy boys who insist on dry firing their assault rifles while working on the computer (no joke).
- the weather. It's been really lovely here recently, and I love that it brings people outside. Which brings me to my next point:
- people being active. I was walking down the street to meet friends for gelato, and I passed by people walking their dogs, watering the lawn, and doing other kinds of summer activities that gave me that warm, fuzzy feeling (you know the kind).
- having free time again. I get to do those things I never do during the year, not only because I have the time, but all my friends do too.
- meeting new people. Always fun. ^_^
- finding the courage to try new things. I was never really afraid of it, but now I'm taking it to the next level. It's going to be a summer of new experiences and experiments, some already in full swing, and I'm really loving it. I feel like I'm shaking off the stale bits of my life and recreating myself.

Done and DONE!

Yesterday I completed the last final of my Junior year, a set of papers on the ethical and political philosophy of Jürgen Habermas. A few weeks ago I made my schedule for the fall, and suddenly saw how few classes I have left to take. It feels so strange to be a Senior; wasn't it just yesterday that I came to Carnegie Mellon for orientation? When I look back on all that these past 3 years, I'm amazed at how much I've done, and how much I've changed. So many of my friends are graduating this year, and starting in December, some of the people I've known from my own year will be leaving. How are we already becoming adults, and moving in to the real world?? Lucky for me that I decided to defer that eventuality and stay on for a master's degree. So far it's been a great time, and I'm looking forward not only for the summer, but to next year as well!

Onward to the next step!

Sad Story

This made me really sad. To be so wholly alone in the world that you wouldn't be missed by anyone if you died, and had so little contact with others that no one would notice your death for seven years is a miserable thought. I wish that things like this wouldn't happen to people, and that everyone has at least one person who'd notice their absence.

I wonder how many people live and die like this? Too many, I fear. Too many people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they forget about those who are alone, like this poor man. I think we need to stop walking around with blinders on to the rest of the world and start noticing the people around us, as well as remembering those who've passed on. Being remembered by others is the only way we can achieve immortality; it is only when you are forgotten that you are truly dead.