Procrastination

No matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to find the will to do my work. These are the only two days of the week I actually have deadlines, and I can't seem to make them. What is wrong with me??!! Perhaps it's the gorgeous weather.... or the fact that I'm a senior graduating in less than two weeks (grad school notwithstanding).... or the wonder that is Hulu. Whatever the reason, instead of doing my work I'm doing everything but. Hence why I'm writing for my blog, and not my ten-page paper, the rough draft of which is due today, or studying for my last final, which is tomorrow.

I think I'm just ready to be done, though the fact that I can't seem to do work consistently has me worried that I won't transition into the working world well. I haven't worked a true full-time job in several years, and I'm worried I won't be able to focus to do it right. I feel like it's gotten worse as I've gotten older; I used to be able to dive in and spend six hours studying. I actually remember working on Fridays and Saturdays, which I've refused to do since sophomore year. My hope is that it's just a disillusionment with college and college work, and that next year I'll be revitalized to make the final push to finish it, and the transition to a job will motivate me more. Will I really be able to go to a job, though, work 40-hour weeks month after month, with no change and fewer vacations to punctuate the passage of time? I guess I'll have to find out, but I'm very afraid of failing.

Yesterday was my last Soundbytes rehearsal ever. It felt anti-climactic, to be honest. It hasn't quite sunk in yet that I won't be singing with them anymore (or singing and performing consistently, woah). It'll be the first time since I was 13 that I won't be in a singing group of some kind, and it's not likely I'll join one for at least another year. Crazy thought. The transition has begun, and I'm more ready to let go than I thought I would be at this juncture (though part of that is because it was forced on me, I think). Still, it's really hard, and it will be a change for all of us, regardless of if that registers on them yet or not.

This has been a really random post, and you can probably see why it's been so hard for me to write my paper! I'm so ready to let go of all this pent-up anxiety over a ton of things, both conscious and subconscious.