On the Nature and Importance of Relationships

I've been thinking hard recently on the nature of romantic relationships and how important they are in one's life. At this stage in life people are just getting into serious relationships, and for many they are still not on the radar. The, shall we say, unlucky few who must transition from their first serious relationship into singledom again come across two factions: the people who say, in response to your plight, that they're so glad they aren't interested in a serious relationship, or the people who pity you without really being fully aware of the emotional roller-coaster you're on. Perhaps I'm generalizing and glossing over the few who can commiserate with you, and maybe I'm being to hard on the people that just don't know what you're going through, but you just don't know how inadequate that kind of pity, no matter how good-natured, is until you're in the situation yourself. Even then, it might not even be possible to fully understand what the person is going through.

However, this is not meant to be a bash-fest on people who try to help (because they really are great) but a caution to the others, the people who don't recognize the greatness of a committed relationship. I recently had a conversation with some people about this, and they both agreed that they were glad not to be in a relationship because of the potential heartache involved. It was an "I'm so glad I missed that accident" tone. Were they right in thinking that? I thought. Is this type of relationship something to be avoided? Well, clearly the ending of it is, because of the pain. But does the pain of a breakup negate all the good stuff about the relationship preceding it?

Most people would immediately say no, even people who aren't ready to be in a serious relationship now. Everyone has at least some kind of misty-eyed vision of a future love, a committed, happy relationship with the person who "completes you". But do people really think about what it means if that idyllic relationship ends? It hurts, it's a blow to the self-esteem, and it almost never ends how you thought it would. However, people who might want to avoid relationships for fear of the pain of a breakup miss out on so much more. A relationship gives you a chance to grow, emotionally and otherwise. No matter how long or how short, how bad or how good, there is always something to be learned from a relationship, about yourself, about your interests, desires, goals, needs or about how you can better interact with another. Giving up that chance to learn about yourself for fear of being hurt is almost like giving up going to college for fear of being far from home.

A relationship is also more than that. It gives you a feeling of utter elation that can be felt in no other way. It is being almost drunk with love and happiness and doing silly things because of it. It really is one of the best feelings in the world to think the world of someone, and it is something far greater to know that they feel the same way for you.

Relationships end, not always happily, and the longer they lasted the harder it is to overcome the emotion you had and the pain you feel from losing the person that was once so special to you. But the net worth of a relationship is so definitively positive that avoiding it prevents you from experiencing one of the greatest gifts of life.

Don't waste it.